Team at Mangwaneni (mahn-gwah-nay-nee)

Time with the classroom kids.

Visits to one of the cook's home.

Bible club which included teaching the "A Tutti Tah" and for the girls with new uniforms to thank Kaitlin and Anna.

And just time to love on kids!!!

Oasis Team Nov. 2009!

Great team! They hit the ground serving! Here they are dishing up food @ the Fonteyn CarePoint.

They loved on kids and attended bible club. Anna and Kaitlin met some of the girls they bought uniforms for with their birthday money.

They visited one of the cook's home (Make Nkosi "mah-gay En-koh-see") who is the grandmother or gogo in Siswati of Delisa "day-lee-sah" who is sitting in Jean's lap in the picture above. Delisa started attending the CarePoint school this year.The team purchased new tin to help fix her leaky roof. She cooks outdoors under a tarp. The team brought her a new pot and cooking supplies.

What an awesome and exhausting day!

It's Not All About Africa

The longer I'm here the more I realize that yes, I'm a missionary in Africa but God wants me, everyday to become more Christlike. And though I know it's not all about me, it's also not all about Africa; it's about God! There is a song by a group, Casting Crowns called "Somewhere in the Middle". Here are the lyrics:

Somewhere between the hot and the cold

Somewhere between the new and the old

Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be

Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right

Somewhere between the darkness and the light

Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me

Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense

Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle

With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is

But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle

Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands

Somewhere between my faith and my plans

Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar

Somewhere between the altar and the door

Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more

Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side

Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

The words keep echoing in my soul. Now put this song with a fiction book I'm reading by Randy Alcorn titled "Safely Home" that is about the persecution of the Christians in China. Could I worship God only in secret with a threat of imprisonment or torture or death? Witnessing to others with risk of being turned in? Could I handle poverty due to a lack of opportunities available for those labeled "Christians"? Could I live where life is "unfair"?

God didn't stop challenging me there, my church here is doing a series on Revelation. What if we aren't raptured "pre-tribulation", am I ready to stand up against persecution and say I believe in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior during the end times? Another words have I surrendered all? What am I trying so hard to hold on to and why?

The line I put in bold in the song, "Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control" is repeating continually in my heart. Why is it so hard to fully

trust God???

Why can I seem so trusting to tithe, when I have extra money in the bank but when the safety net is not there it becomes harder to trust Him to take care of the bills? Did I deep down believe I was doing it before by my own efforts? Why can I surrender my will when it is going the way I want it to but start trying to rationalize when it's not the direction I was planning to go? Why is it so easy to praise God when I'm healthy and working and life is going good but so hard to even smile when I or someone else is suffering? Do I believe He is in control? Do I trust He has a plan? Do I trust that whether He heals someone immediately or through doctors and treatments or not until they are with Him in heaven that He is not working ALL things together for good? How can I know I have true peace until I have it when I'm in the storm? How do I know I can walk on water until I get out of the boat when the waves are crashing all around me? Why am I so afraid to not be in control?

Nov. 16th I will have been here 2 years. Can you believe it? And all I know is that although it didn't make any rational sense for God to call a 48 year old administrative person to go half way around the world to work with orphan and vulnerable children; He called and I went. My one act of true obedience in my life and I don't regret one step of the journey. But I am realizing I have so much farther to go. I am so excited that He cares for me enough to keep challenging me until I am no longer somewhere in the middle!!!! (I'm excited that I am excited, because that's not part of my normal behavior.) May I continue to trade my dreams for His and may one day I totally and honestly lose ALL control of my life to Him! Although it has taken bringing me to Africa to get to this point in my life, it's not all about Africa; it's about total trust in the God that created me and loved me enough to let His son die for my sins. And the One who can work through me to do amazing, incredible, indescribable things if I will just get out of the middle!

Siyabonga!

Just a quick thank you! In Siswati it is siyabonga "see-yah-bone-gah". It is nice to get comments on my blogs and also to realize that I have new followers!! That is just such a special blessing and an encouragement to me! I have found some money to get a few more girls uniforms. They were fitted for and will get to pick up their new school uniforms on Tues. As funds become available we will try to do it for more children next year. January is when the new school year begins. Maybe we will also be able to help with new black school shoes.

Pray for us. School fees are a major burden for the families we work with. The government is going to start offering free public schooling for Grade 1 and 2 in January, which is a tremendous blessing that is hoped to expand a grade each year but the number of children that will start attending this January will make classroom sizes enormous. The government is looking at split schedules and other ideas. Pray that God grants them wisdom for this huge task. Pray that we are able to find ways to support them and help the children we work with succeed in their schooling.

Thank you for your encouragement to me. Busiseka! "boo-see-say-gah" which translates to Be blessed!

The difference two girls made in Swaziland!

We think so often that the problem is too big and we are too small to make a difference in this world! We sell God so short of what He can do through us!!!! Anna and Kaitlin are proof of what can do with a willing heart! These are two young ladies who decided to ask for donations for Swaziland instead of birthday presents earlier this year. A simple idea that has now impacted several girls from Fonteyn and Mangwaneni, Mbabane CarePoints!!! Way to go!

Jabu, an orphan at Fonteyn came up and asked me if I could help her get a new uniform. She usually wore a sweater over it. Why? Because she had been wearing the same uniform to school

for 4 years!!!!! Without her sweater you could see that her uniform could no longer even button together and her hem was let out as far as possible.

That's when I started looking and seeing the holes and patches on other uniforms and I started visiting online with Anna Shaw on how to spend her "birthday" money.

I had the teachers assist me in finding the girls who helped out at the CarePoint and attended

Bible Club regularly and who had outgrown their uniforms. Besides Jabu @ Fonteyn, Nokwanda

"no-kwan-dah", Sikhulile "see-koo-lee-lay", Cebsile "click-abe-see-lay" and Sphiwe "spee-way" were happy and proud to get new uniforms! See the before and after pictures!

At Mangwaneni, Fakazile "fah-gah-zee-lay", Nemi "nay-me", Tambasile "Tom-bah-see-lay" and Thando "Tahn-doe" were all measured. Tambasile will be getting hers this coming Tues. as the seamstress, Nelly finishes it up. The girls agreed that since they look so good now their grades (ranking here) will aslo improve. (Confidence -a side effect to not being ashamed of how you look.)

What Anna and Kaitlin did was improve the self esteem of these girls and let them know that two other girls, that live so far away, cared enough to make sacrifices to help them. The girls could hardly believe that another girl would refuse a present so they could help them!

"Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you teach, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

Thanks, Anna and Kaitlin for being such an excellent example that we are never too young or too old or too poor or too far away to step out in our faith and make a difference, even over in Africa!!!! I am so proud and honored to be able to be your hands and feet over here!! Way to go!!!

Healing

Bear with me as I ramble a little more. Stories with pictures to be written in the near future but not today. Today I am transparent, proving missionaries struggle with faith too.

Theology sounds so simple until it applies to you. Healing --- do I believe God can heal today? Absolutely!!!! Can He heal me? Sure, if He wants to. Now what happens if He wants to?????

"Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, And He saved them out of their distresses. He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions." Psalm 107:19-20

Sunday before last, at Healing Place Church, Swaziland we had prayer for healing. (Let me backtrack, I have had major sinus problems for over 20 years now which has included 5

surgeries and daily mucous thinning medication. It had been getting worse and I recently had a CAT scan and a doctor who said my sinuses were the worst he hs seen in his 19 years of practice in Swaziland. I have prayed for God to heal me on multiple occasions but He never did. I've been to other services for people to pray for healing, but did not feel God releasing me to go forward.)

That Sunday was different. I felt God saying it's time and I found me saying but why me?Why not someone with HIV or cancer that I'm praying for? I hate my sinus condition but all of a sudden I did not feel worthy. Am I worth it? Sounds silly. We are all unworthy. "...and by His stripes we are healed." He died and suffered for all of us regardless of our sins. It is grace not merit. I "know" all of that but now it was in my lap, staring me in the face. I was saved at 13 years of age and lived in grace for so many years, it's been a long time since I really looked at my unmerited favor and really let myself feel God's grace. Don't know if that makes sense but that was where I was at. And God said it was time and so I went forward.

Now, dilema number two. Step one believed and accepted that God wanted to heal me but what does being healed feel like? I felt a peace about going forward and God's love but now what? No warm fuzzy feeling, no electricity running through my sinuses, nothing really special. I left the

service and Satan starts whispering, "how do you know?" It's not like I was blind or lame where

you could "see" the healing. I felt God saying it was okay to stop the mucous thinner and anthihistamine the doctor had me on. Okay, step of faith and all week I was fine during the day but not sleeping through the night due to a blocked nose but not like anything in my past and not

because my nose was full of "snot" (excuse the bluntness). Satan whispers, doubt raises. Do I

believe I was healed? I either do or I don't. The battlefield of the mind, the easiest place Satan wins. Gird myself with prayer and scripture and speak the truth. So I'm speaking it. My sinuses are now moving out the green stuff from the recesses as I believe the Lord is clearing out the old stuff. Healing isn't like I thought it would be but I'm enjoying the process of learning that's it doesn't fit in a neat box.

Thank you for letting me share and process. Now that I've been so thought provoking let me be transparent in embarassing photos. (The last one)

Pictures in the field with the MoM team and then one in my Swazi outfit dancing at Zinty's wedding although I have no idea what was going on with my facial pose or

Patience (the one in the background). We were just being silly and having fun. So enjoy the laugh!

I'll stop blogging about myself and more about the kids soon! I promise.

Rambling Thoughts

Bear with me as I collect my scattered thoughts and feelings.

We just finished school break and school has started back up. In Swaziland there are 3 terms to the year with a 3 week break after the first 2 and then a 6 week break at the end of the school year which also will be the end of the calendar year. Things are all out of routine during break. Some CarePoints have more children and some have less as children travel back to homesteads because they have to stay with relatives in order to go to school. It's not like in the states where you automatically go to the public school in your neighborhood. You have to find a spot in a school in your grade and sometimes kids have to go quite far to school. We still feed at the CarePoints but the make up of kids is just different during breaks. "The same, just different" (My favorite phase since I arrived in Swaziland)

Weather has been out of sorts too. I was excited that we seemed to be coming out of winter and into spring. Then we had a few days where everyone was saying how hot it was and did we go straight from winter to summer? We were pulling out sandals and summer clothes and now I've had to pull out my heater again. It has been COLD and rainy the last few days. It has been just crazy.

We just finished 40 Days of Prayer through Children's Cup and I have been amazed, proud and humbled by our staff at Children's Cup. At a meeting of the office staff I oversee directly, it was unanimous that all wanted to continue the morning prayer. So much so, they are willing to take over the responsibility of rotating leading it. They said it really has settled their spirit each morning and helped them refocus after the hectic pace of just getting to work. We don't just pray, we sing and worship. One of the blessings of Africa is the joy that flows when they sing out praise songs. (Americans are just too self conscious.)

Spiritually has not flowed in the normal sense, having stirrings from a variety of directions. (the office worship, sermons from home, services at HPC Swaziland, my devotions, my roommate) Let me share you a story that I had heard previously but as an Indian tale using wolves but I found it in my current devotional using the illustration as a Chinese man and with dogs; but the truth is the same.

"A missionary in China led a Chinese man to the Lord and there was great excitement in the missionary's heart as he carried on with his travels. A few months later he returned and enquired how the new convert was doing. 'How is your new life coming along?' he asked him. 'Well,' replied the believer. 'It seems as though there are two dogs fighting within me -- a black on and a white one' (representing good and evil). 'Which one is winning?' asked the missionary. The new convert replied, 'That depends on which one I'm feeding the most.'"

Sometimes missionary life is so much easier because the nature of our job and how it intertwines with life often keeps our focus on God, but we also must be alert to who we are feeding. God has been coming at me from several different angles and scriptures with the call to "meditate" on His Word." (Feed the good dog.) Meditate meaning chew over; reflect deeply on a subject. My good dog is not going to thrive because it is in a healthy environment, but only when I truly feed it, chew on God's Word, not just glance over it or assume I know it. So easy to be put on the pedestal of "missionary" and start playing the part. I'm just as fallible and able to stumble or chase after the wrong thing if I'm not centered on God's Word! Where is my focus? On me? (oh how nice the praise feels and how quickly we can become prideful and self centered) My ailments, my accomplishments, my needs, my desires??? Lord may I focus on You because I find my true joy and blessings in being obedient and moldable to Your plan for me. I can only become aware and sensitive to that plan and serve and love and make wise choices when I am fellowshipping with you deeply and intimately. You help me not be self centered and stingy with my time and my resources. Thank you!

My prayer is "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, My rock and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14

Forgive my rambling thoughts today but thank you for letting me process my life with you. :)