Healing

Bear with me as I ramble a little more. Stories with pictures to be written in the near future but not today. Today I am transparent, proving missionaries struggle with faith too.

Theology sounds so simple until it applies to you. Healing --- do I believe God can heal today? Absolutely!!!! Can He heal me? Sure, if He wants to. Now what happens if He wants to?????

"Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, And He saved them out of their distresses. He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions." Psalm 107:19-20

Sunday before last, at Healing Place Church, Swaziland we had prayer for healing. (Let me backtrack, I have had major sinus problems for over 20 years now which has included 5

surgeries and daily mucous thinning medication. It had been getting worse and I recently had a CAT scan and a doctor who said my sinuses were the worst he hs seen in his 19 years of practice in Swaziland. I have prayed for God to heal me on multiple occasions but He never did. I've been to other services for people to pray for healing, but did not feel God releasing me to go forward.)

That Sunday was different. I felt God saying it's time and I found me saying but why me?Why not someone with HIV or cancer that I'm praying for? I hate my sinus condition but all of a sudden I did not feel worthy. Am I worth it? Sounds silly. We are all unworthy. "...and by His stripes we are healed." He died and suffered for all of us regardless of our sins. It is grace not merit. I "know" all of that but now it was in my lap, staring me in the face. I was saved at 13 years of age and lived in grace for so many years, it's been a long time since I really looked at my unmerited favor and really let myself feel God's grace. Don't know if that makes sense but that was where I was at. And God said it was time and so I went forward.

Now, dilema number two. Step one believed and accepted that God wanted to heal me but what does being healed feel like? I felt a peace about going forward and God's love but now what? No warm fuzzy feeling, no electricity running through my sinuses, nothing really special. I left the

service and Satan starts whispering, "how do you know?" It's not like I was blind or lame where

you could "see" the healing. I felt God saying it was okay to stop the mucous thinner and anthihistamine the doctor had me on. Okay, step of faith and all week I was fine during the day but not sleeping through the night due to a blocked nose but not like anything in my past and not

because my nose was full of "snot" (excuse the bluntness). Satan whispers, doubt raises. Do I

believe I was healed? I either do or I don't. The battlefield of the mind, the easiest place Satan wins. Gird myself with prayer and scripture and speak the truth. So I'm speaking it. My sinuses are now moving out the green stuff from the recesses as I believe the Lord is clearing out the old stuff. Healing isn't like I thought it would be but I'm enjoying the process of learning that's it doesn't fit in a neat box.

Thank you for letting me share and process. Now that I've been so thought provoking let me be transparent in embarassing photos. (The last one)

Pictures in the field with the MoM team and then one in my Swazi outfit dancing at Zinty's wedding although I have no idea what was going on with my facial pose or

Patience (the one in the background). We were just being silly and having fun. So enjoy the laugh!

I'll stop blogging about myself and more about the kids soon! I promise.

Rambling Thoughts

Bear with me as I collect my scattered thoughts and feelings.

We just finished school break and school has started back up. In Swaziland there are 3 terms to the year with a 3 week break after the first 2 and then a 6 week break at the end of the school year which also will be the end of the calendar year. Things are all out of routine during break. Some CarePoints have more children and some have less as children travel back to homesteads because they have to stay with relatives in order to go to school. It's not like in the states where you automatically go to the public school in your neighborhood. You have to find a spot in a school in your grade and sometimes kids have to go quite far to school. We still feed at the CarePoints but the make up of kids is just different during breaks. "The same, just different" (My favorite phase since I arrived in Swaziland)

Weather has been out of sorts too. I was excited that we seemed to be coming out of winter and into spring. Then we had a few days where everyone was saying how hot it was and did we go straight from winter to summer? We were pulling out sandals and summer clothes and now I've had to pull out my heater again. It has been COLD and rainy the last few days. It has been just crazy.

We just finished 40 Days of Prayer through Children's Cup and I have been amazed, proud and humbled by our staff at Children's Cup. At a meeting of the office staff I oversee directly, it was unanimous that all wanted to continue the morning prayer. So much so, they are willing to take over the responsibility of rotating leading it. They said it really has settled their spirit each morning and helped them refocus after the hectic pace of just getting to work. We don't just pray, we sing and worship. One of the blessings of Africa is the joy that flows when they sing out praise songs. (Americans are just too self conscious.)

Spiritually has not flowed in the normal sense, having stirrings from a variety of directions. (the office worship, sermons from home, services at HPC Swaziland, my devotions, my roommate) Let me share you a story that I had heard previously but as an Indian tale using wolves but I found it in my current devotional using the illustration as a Chinese man and with dogs; but the truth is the same.

"A missionary in China led a Chinese man to the Lord and there was great excitement in the missionary's heart as he carried on with his travels. A few months later he returned and enquired how the new convert was doing. 'How is your new life coming along?' he asked him. 'Well,' replied the believer. 'It seems as though there are two dogs fighting within me -- a black on and a white one' (representing good and evil). 'Which one is winning?' asked the missionary. The new convert replied, 'That depends on which one I'm feeding the most.'"

Sometimes missionary life is so much easier because the nature of our job and how it intertwines with life often keeps our focus on God, but we also must be alert to who we are feeding. God has been coming at me from several different angles and scriptures with the call to "meditate" on His Word." (Feed the good dog.) Meditate meaning chew over; reflect deeply on a subject. My good dog is not going to thrive because it is in a healthy environment, but only when I truly feed it, chew on God's Word, not just glance over it or assume I know it. So easy to be put on the pedestal of "missionary" and start playing the part. I'm just as fallible and able to stumble or chase after the wrong thing if I'm not centered on God's Word! Where is my focus? On me? (oh how nice the praise feels and how quickly we can become prideful and self centered) My ailments, my accomplishments, my needs, my desires??? Lord may I focus on You because I find my true joy and blessings in being obedient and moldable to Your plan for me. I can only become aware and sensitive to that plan and serve and love and make wise choices when I am fellowshipping with you deeply and intimately. You help me not be self centered and stingy with my time and my resources. Thank you!

My prayer is "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, My rock and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14

Forgive my rambling thoughts today but thank you for letting me process my life with you. :)

No More Vegetables

Today the vegetables stopped. It was nice that we were able to add vegetables to the children's diet for so long. Hard choices have to be made but God has not forgotten us. He allowed us to start supplementing the pap "pop" and beans with a rice mixture that is packed with nutrients. It's not as filling as potatoes and carrots but it is extremely nutritious.

I don't honestly know how God will answer our need to continue to feed, do medical care and bible clubs and keep the teachers at my two CarePoints, but I trust He will. It might not be in the way I'm thinking and that is what is so exciting to step out in faith! It was sad to say we couldn't provide the vegetables any more but maybe God is working in the heart of the communtity to work more consistantly regarding gardens and take on more of the responsibility to provide for the children. Wouldn't that be awesome!!!

How is God calling you to step out of your comfort zone or the box you think you or He should be in? For me it is in expecting God's miracles and to verbally proclaim that. "The seed for a miracle is not in difficulties but in impossibilities." I have often thought that if I said something, "what if nothing happens?" but now I'm starting to think of "how will it happen?" What an awesome opportunity to witness God providing in this time of financial struggles.

A "Mission of Mercy" team just left today and @ the New Village CarePoint they left a soccer field behind. Was it from their hard work or money? -- NO it was such a God thing! Missionary Randy saw a bulldozer go by, followed it with some team members and asked. God opened the heart of a South African business man who let his bulldozer and team of 6 guys come to the CarePoint and level the land. We were expecting one or two passes to scrape the top for a level area but 3 hours later and a lot of diesel fuel, we had a professional grading and a great field for

these kids to have a safe place to play!

This just doesn't happen here. It's not like everyone comes running to do something nice for these CarePoints especially something that would costs hundreds of US dollars to do if we had paid for the service. What if we hadn't been inspired to ask? What if the gentleman had not had a softened heart? What if I fail to do what God asks me to do? May I never think I have all the answers of how things should be done and ignore God's promptings and therefore miss His blessings for me or others. May the impossibilities only grow us in our faith. May we take bold steps as we feel led by the Holy Spirit, even if they seem silly or impractical or contrary to what we have always thought or IMPOSSIBLE and in the process see a multiplication of His miracles all around and through us!!!!!

Siphamandla Kunene

So much going on these days but so little time to get on the internet to write a blog. -- Sorry!

I hope all are participating in the 40 Days of Prayer With the Children! If not, please join us for the next 24 days. "40 Days of Prayer WITH the Children"

Today I want to take the time and share with you my little friend Siphamandla "see-pah-mahn-(z slur)lah" Kunene (Goo-nay-nee). He is actually 13 years old though he does not look it. He fortunately lives with both his parents although they make little income. Unfortunately, he had never had the opportunity to go to school because he is the youngest of 8 until he came to the CarePoint. Now he is excelling in his 2nd year there and will graduate in Dec. He is in the center brown shirt below during a bible club.

Every weekday morning @ 8 am at the CUP office, our staff have been joining together for the 40 Days of Prayer. My two CarePoints I oversee, Fonteyn and Mangwaneni, Mbabane are doing it as part of their morning class routine when they do their pledges to the Swaziland flag, the Christian flag and the Bible. I have enjoyed the days I have been able to join them in this. This picture is of them dancing during a praise song and then the other one with Siphamanla singing, he is in the red t-shirt.

One morning, when we were praying for the teachers, I shared with the kids that people all around the world were praying for their two teachers, Teacher Dorah and Teacher Nomvula "No-mvoo-lah" and the other teachers at all the other CarePoints today and would one of them like to volunteer to help us pray for their teachers. Siphamandla did. Now I have asked for kids to pray before and just like in the states someone finally agrees to do it and they whisper a quick couple of sentences, parroting what you had said. I had told Siphamandla that he could pray in Siswati and boy did he pray. I couldn't understand what he was saying as he was praying but I was ready to get the child a pulpit. The Holy Spirit was present and it was awesome!!! Teacher Dorah later translated the fervent prayer that Siphamandla had asked that the "teachers have wisdom". "That they not do anything on their own." He prayed that God would "give them more heart". That He would "give them love so the children can make good results". I definitely could not have said it better! Teacher Nomvula said he comes from a praying family. I can't wait to meet his parents at graduation!

Anyway, the story does not end there. I was so excited about his prayer that I was telling everyone at the office about him and saying "where is the video camera when you need it so we could share it on the website". Then I saw it. If you go to the 40 Days of Prayer link (above) and click on Day 6, there is a clip of a child praying. It is Siphamandla. Then just a couple of days ago I pulled up the Children's Cup web page and would you believe that Siphamandla's prayer letter and his picture (I had several kids at both CarePoints write letters before 40 Days of Prayer started) is on the main page and he was asking for prayer for his teachers!! (And boys wear pink jackets here without a thought of it might be girlish -- it's warm.)

So please check out our own Mangwaneni PRAYER STAR!!!!! And join us in the 40 Days of Prayer WITH the Children. God is AMAZING!!!

Tito Update

For those of you not familiar with Tito. He is a youth (15 years old) from the Mangwaneni

CarePoint who was recruited by one of our staff, Thabo (Tah-bow) to help with making round bricks for the retaining wall for the Fonteyn CarePoint which the Oasis mission team of Oct. 2008 built. Tito was the only worker who was not currently in school, but he wanted to be.Even after the bricks were made Tito proceeded to help Thabo, without pay, while the team was here and then every day after that from 8am - 5pm until the Christmas holiday. Even during the January break he worked hard during the remodeling of the Cup offices and HPC (Healing Place Church). Children's Cup and the Oasis church has helped pay for his school fees for this year so he could enter "Form 1" which is equivelent to a freshman in high school. He is studying, working hard and doing well.

Every Saturday he works at our house caring for our lawn. He really enjoys working with plants and yard care. He works hard and with excellence. He is active in the youth at HPC and is getting mentoring from several strong Christian men at our church.

It has been so exciting to see his growth over the past year. Last month, Tito came to me and asked me not to pay him anymore for the yard work but to save it for him. This is huge!!!!!! Whether it is because of poverty or the culture, it is rare, really rare, for a poor Swazi let alone a Swazi youth to initiate saving money. The truth is, the mentality is you get paid and you spend it immediately. Tito says he wants to save to buy some new clothes. I am his bank and he has made only one withdrawal, for a school party at the end of this term but otherwise it is growing weekly as well as my pride in him. I am proud of Thabo and Karabo and Roger for pouring into this youth and for molding him into a young man who will be a light to other Swazi youth. I don't know how we will be able to help with his school fees next January but I know God does and I

thank Him for letting me be a part of witnessing the tranformation in Tito! And I can't wait to see what the future holds for him!

40 Days of Prayer WITH the Children

I'm Hungry

40 Days of Prayer WITH the Children started today. Today talks about hunger. I see it all the time, kids on the street begging for food. But I see it with a full stomach. In my quiet time today I was impressed to know what it feels like from the inside. I've fasted before but then my focus was always on God not the hunger. I tried to ignore the physical to concentrate on the spiritual. Today is different. I'm focusing on what it feels like to want; to want something to eat, to want what someone else has, to want to think about something else besides my hunger, to want to not go to bed hungry.
I don't like it and the day is only half over. If I had no hope that tomorrow would be different than today, would I be one of those digging through the garbage -- probably. Would I let someone bribe me with food for sexual favors -- I pray not but what if I had no hope?
I am so thankful that we are able to give so many children HOPE!!! That we are able to show the love of Jesus in a tangible way. We are making a difference!
But what if we stopped being able to provide the food. May it never be, but what if? Today I'm thinking of the what if in regards to only the food. I'm hungry! What if the children we serve had no hope that tomorrow there will be a hot meal for them? My heart is breaking. How can they think of anything else when they are hungry? Please pray! Pray for provision! The economy in the states is tough but God has not forgotten these children. May we be able to feed even more children next year!!! And may satisfying the physical hunger give us a chance to teach them how to fill their spiritual. Thank you for praying with me these 40 days and everyday!

“I will abundantly bless her provision: I will satisfy her poor with bread."
Psalm 132:15 (KJV)

40 Days of Prayer WITH the Children

40 Days of Prayer

I want to thank everyone for their prayers this past week as I and others have been struggling with being sick. I am lousy at it. I snuck into work the first few days for a few hours and started getting others sick so I stayed home the rest of the week. The thankful part was I was not running a high fever or was so bad to just stay in bed and sleep. But I was sick enough to not want to do anything but be bored and tired and lazy. No time for that! Today I'm going to get something done around the house, even if I have to nap in between. Ha!

For fear of spreading my germs, I have not been to either CarePoint all week and I miss that. The children have been working on prayers for the Children's Cup 40 Days of Prayer With the Children. It's start's August 1st and I hope everyone will participate online. Click on the photo below which is linked to the site.You will not be praying for us but with the children we work with. I will be sure to point out if the prayers from any of the children at Fonteyn or Mangwaneni, Mbabane are on a particular day. In this next year we want to take another step forward beyond the supplying of physical needs and speaking of God but in transforming kids lives. Without Christ transforming these children from the inside, this generation will be cursed to the same mistakes as their parents. We have laid foundation of consistency of the fundamentals at the CarePoints but now we are working to find ways to disciple a few kids at each CarePoint who are showing spiritual hunger to know God deeper. Our prayer is that God, working through these children, will start setting examples of making Christ-like choices in a society where the opposite is so prevelant. We want to raise leaders living lives of integrity and purity and searching God's Word for answers. Showing other children and youth that there is another way. And most importantly growing in their faith that nothing is impossible with God! Pray with us!!!