It's Not Fair!!!

I know God is sovereign and that nothing happens that catches Him by surprise. But in my heart, sometimes things happen and I want to cry "It's not fair"!!!! Yesterday was one of those days.

I visited a child in the hospital, Kholiwe "Koe-lee-way". Kholiwe is 7 years old and attended our preschool in Mvutjini "Em-voo-chee-nee" last year. She had struggled regularly during the school year because when her mother was working and the neighbor could not watch her 2 year old sister, it was Kholiwe's responsibility. The facilitators worked it out so the baby sister could come with her to school on those days. And Kholiwe was able to graduate from the preschool. She is a sweet, bright child.

Last year, before the holidays, a candle in the home was left burning and it caught the bedroom on fire. All the children (Kholiwe has 4 sisters and 2 brothers) ran from the fire. Unfortunately Kholiwe's clothes had caught fire and as she ran it severely burned her stomach, back and right thigh. She has been in the hospital now for over 1 1/2 months. Her mother stays with her, sleeping on a foam pad under Kholiwe's metal crib. She has been unable to go to work because in the government hospital a caregiver must stay with the patient (child or adult) to tend to, wash, take to the toilet, feed, administer prescribed tablets, etc. It is tough to see. Kholiwe was in good spirits with a sweet smile. Her mom was positive and optimistic about the prognosis. In a room with 12 other children, (a lot of them burn victims) there were many children crying or staring with hopeless eyes and caregivers showing fatigue and a resignation to what was before them. I wanted to scream

"IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!"

Kholiwe went in for skin graft surgery this morning. If all goes well, and no infection sets in, she may be able to return home in 10 days.

Another missionary friend from another organization was working on a building project yesterday when an accident occurred and Eric, his close helper/friend's arm was caught in a brick-making machine. His lower arm had to be amputated. Eric is in good spirits and knows God has a plan through all of this. But he is a hard working laborer that has now lost one of his hands. I want to cry out

"BUT IT'S NOT FAIR!!!"

Another close co-worker thought she had school fees arranged for her child. In high school, the cost of school is often more than a year's salary of the parent (if the parent is able to have a job). It is not something that can be easily covered. She thought wrong and the school fees will not be coming. She is trusting God!!! "BUT IT'S NOT FAIR" to have to struggle so hard for your child to get an education!

Why was I born in America with so many opportunities and I look around Swaziland and see so many who struggle in survival mode, wanting a chance for their children to have an education, many who lack the knowledge to be able to get a decent paying job. My heart breaks! I am so blessed! So many say how can you make the sacrifices you do to live in Africa, away from family, from fast food, from TV, from on and on. But I heard a line in an old show "Christy" that I borrowed on DVD recently and she said "The blessings become so much greater than the sacrifices."

It isn't fair. God never said it would be. I have found that with the greatest sufferings have come the biggest miracles!!!!

Isaiah 55:8 "'My thought are completely different from yours', says the Lord, 'And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.'"

My God has bigger plans and bigger ideas to what is "fair". The lyrics of a song by Laura Story keeps popping in my head, time and time again " 'Cause what if Your blessing come through raindrops? What if Your healing comes through tears? And what if a thousand sleepless nights, are what it takes to draw You near? And what if the trials of this life, are Your mercies in disguise?" My God is so much bigger than my feelings of what is fair!!!!! May I have His heart of compassion!!!

May I grow more each day in in sharing His love to those that hurt!!!! May I no longer see it as unfair but as opportunities to share the love of Christ!!! May the sufferings bring an awareness of God and His love!!! In some ways it is unfair that I was born in America without the struggles. Being so blessed sometimes I miss seeing His face shining all around us!! Sometimes I take for granted all that He has made available to me. Thank you God for my numerous blessings!!! May I not take them for granted but use them to bless others!!!

Happy 2012!!!!

It is that time of year!!! A new year is born and we find ourselves reflecting and projecting. Did I accomplish anything in 2011? Did I do what I set out to do or did something totally different happen? What do I want to say this time next year about 2012? What do I want to accomplish this year?

The nice thing about Swaziland is that the "holidays" really is a holiday from work. December ends the calendar year and the school year. The government and all but retail pretty much shuts down for the end of December and beginning of January. It is a three week period to totally get away from the 24/7 job of being a missionary. Some go back to the states to see family, some travel and this year, due to circumstances I believe God orchestrated, just stay put. What you do when you have no agenda and no opportunities to escape staying put?

I am a "to do" person but God showed me how to really rest. I like check lists and He taught me these last couple of weeks to just be content to do nothing. I love the beach and I would have loved to spend this holiday at the ocean somewhere but that is not where God had me! And that is okay!! I am shocked but I am really content with having nothing significant that happened during my down time. Had unlimited quiet time with God, read some, walked some, visited with friends, slept a lot, realized how exhausted I had been and just enjoyed knowing I have a place to rest in His arms where ever I am.

So, this last day of holiday, before I go back to the Cup office tomorrow, I am taking time to reflect on 2011. And what I see is God's hand!!! One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Ephesians 3:20 "Now glory be to God! By His mighty power at work within us, He is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope." He has touched the lives of so many!!! He has brought hope to those who had no hope! He has brought understanding that He is with each of us, all of us, even when we are hungery and suffer. He has shown me that I don't have to trust lists, I just have to trust Him! If I look at the facts I would have spent the year worrying!

Jan: Started new year with new staff unfamiliar with Mission of Mercy and how it works.

Feb: Had to find a new home

Mar/Apr: Overwhelming task of Biannual Progress Reports for ALL MoM registered children across Swaziland

May: My mom traveling by herself to visit me and using her passport for the first time!!!

June/July: Planning new CarePoint registrations

August: Friends in serious accident followed by me hitting a cow and doing lots of damage to my truck

Sept: Traveling to Zimbabwe with just one other person to help teach MoM staff as they launch program and find out majority of my personal funding will be cut next year.

Oct: Host a team from the states and take on new roll doing payroll.

Nov: Plan how to get back to the states to fund raise and preschool graduations with grim news of government not being able to help elementary schools next year.

Dec: Christmas parties!!!! (exhausting schedule)

Many areas to give in to worry. Where will I go? How can we do this? What can we do to strengthen the ministry? Am I really making a difference? Who am I to be here? When I gave each one to God, they all turned out to be wonderful blessings and/or opportunities for growth in my faith!!!!

I live in an adorable little place! Most all the facilitators from last year will continue this year!! Mission of Mercy has grown stronger and bigger in Swaziland and has started in Zimbabwe!!! My mom's visit was the highlight of my year and such a blessing to have her see where I live and work and just to go have some fun together!!!! A donation to fix my truck came through! I bonded with the team that I hosted and have been so encouraged by them that we will have a reunion when I am in the states in June!!!! Christmas parties were tough but more of a blessing than a burden on so many levels!!!! 2011 was a wonderful year of learning more about God, leaning more on Him and loving seeing Him in action !!!!

What will 2012 hold? Not sure? Government is struggling, school system might crumble and I am just as uncertain about my funding. But this I do know, I don't need to look at the facts!!! I need to trust and pray and obey!!! That is my goal for 2012!!! Trust . . . Pray . . . Obey!

Hopefully in all that I will get in better shape, be a better listener, be more culturally sensitive and be more generous!! But I am excited about the new year, the new challenges and the new opportunities to grow closer to Him!!! I am truly blessed to be here; to have two sons who are growing in their walk with God and to be loved by family, friends and brothers and sisters in Christ that encourage me, love me and pray for me!! I pray 2012 will hold just as much for each of you!!!

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds." Hebrews 10:23-24