Healing

Bear with me as I ramble a little more. Stories with pictures to be written in the near future but not today. Today I am transparent, proving missionaries struggle with faith too.

Theology sounds so simple until it applies to you. Healing --- do I believe God can heal today? Absolutely!!!! Can He heal me? Sure, if He wants to. Now what happens if He wants to?????

"Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, And He saved them out of their distresses. He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions." Psalm 107:19-20

Sunday before last, at Healing Place Church, Swaziland we had prayer for healing. (Let me backtrack, I have had major sinus problems for over 20 years now which has included 5

surgeries and daily mucous thinning medication. It had been getting worse and I recently had a CAT scan and a doctor who said my sinuses were the worst he hs seen in his 19 years of practice in Swaziland. I have prayed for God to heal me on multiple occasions but He never did. I've been to other services for people to pray for healing, but did not feel God releasing me to go forward.)

That Sunday was different. I felt God saying it's time and I found me saying but why me?Why not someone with HIV or cancer that I'm praying for? I hate my sinus condition but all of a sudden I did not feel worthy. Am I worth it? Sounds silly. We are all unworthy. "...and by His stripes we are healed." He died and suffered for all of us regardless of our sins. It is grace not merit. I "know" all of that but now it was in my lap, staring me in the face. I was saved at 13 years of age and lived in grace for so many years, it's been a long time since I really looked at my unmerited favor and really let myself feel God's grace. Don't know if that makes sense but that was where I was at. And God said it was time and so I went forward.

Now, dilema number two. Step one believed and accepted that God wanted to heal me but what does being healed feel like? I felt a peace about going forward and God's love but now what? No warm fuzzy feeling, no electricity running through my sinuses, nothing really special. I left the

service and Satan starts whispering, "how do you know?" It's not like I was blind or lame where

you could "see" the healing. I felt God saying it was okay to stop the mucous thinner and anthihistamine the doctor had me on. Okay, step of faith and all week I was fine during the day but not sleeping through the night due to a blocked nose but not like anything in my past and not

because my nose was full of "snot" (excuse the bluntness). Satan whispers, doubt raises. Do I

believe I was healed? I either do or I don't. The battlefield of the mind, the easiest place Satan wins. Gird myself with prayer and scripture and speak the truth. So I'm speaking it. My sinuses are now moving out the green stuff from the recesses as I believe the Lord is clearing out the old stuff. Healing isn't like I thought it would be but I'm enjoying the process of learning that's it doesn't fit in a neat box.

Thank you for letting me share and process. Now that I've been so thought provoking let me be transparent in embarassing photos. (The last one)

Pictures in the field with the MoM team and then one in my Swazi outfit dancing at Zinty's wedding although I have no idea what was going on with my facial pose or

Patience (the one in the background). We were just being silly and having fun. So enjoy the laugh!

I'll stop blogging about myself and more about the kids soon! I promise.