Romans 8:35 & 37

This is a deviation to the journey blog I started the other day. I felt compelled tonight to share my journal entry from just about an hour ago; something I don't think I have ever done. I pray that it is for someone who is feeling overwhelmed and in their own cocoon. I also figure that if I don't do it now now, that I will reason my way out of it and fail to be obedient. It may not speak to you but please, as always, bear with me.
Earlier today, it now being close to midnight, I was hit with the most sudden and crippling migraine I have ever had! Gratefully, my migraines have never lasted more than 24 hours (I so feel for those that  have them that last for days). This one has held true in that regard but I have never had one that has been so violent and painful and scary! I am thankful that through it all I knew Char had my back and I was physically not alone. As the pain subsides, I finally was able to sit with my Lord and was led to Romans chapter 8. The following verses (35& 37) spoke to me and I share what I wrote afterwards. Be aware that this is not shared to gain sympathy or compassion but because I think the Lord has someone who needs to hear that He is there in the midst of it.

"'Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean He no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or are hungry or cold or in danger or threatened with death?....No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us."
Lord, I have never had a migraine hit so fast & so hard. Thank you that it is dissipating. It has a way of making you feel all alone. Making me feel vulnerable and out of control. Even with others around to help, pain isolates me. It traps me in my own cocoon. I can't even feel You! I can only focus on breathing in & out. Draw me close as the pain subsides. Comfort me and hold me and whisper that even when I don't feel You, you are always there. Thank you!"

Even now as I type this, I know my experience was so short a timespan and that so many deal with chronic pain, or calamity or hunger or cold. I think of my friends who I know suffer so much more than I have. I think of the children and families and pastors we work with who are hungry and cold night after night, day after day. I am humbled by my journal entry and now pray for them to feel you even through their cocoon! May each of us realize how blessed we are to have You in our lives Lord, no matter what is happening! And may anyone who reads this but doesn't know You personally, ask You to reveal Yourself to them and to sincerly ask You into their life! I know You will hear and respond in grace, mercy and love! Amen!

The Long Journey

Wow!

I can't believe I am finally settling down in South Africa!!!! It has been a 9 month transition! And it all started when I arrived, back to Swaziland from my visit to the states last year, the end of July......

 The sponsorship and office staff that I had supervised had really stepped up to the plate the two months I was gone and it was decided that since Children's Cup was wanting to start up in South Africa, I would not step back into my position as office manager and sponsorship director. This is the only role I had known since I had arrived in Swaziland in 2007. Now what? 

South Africa would be my final destination but it was not to happen right away.

The long transition began. Nothing in the next 9 months would be a consistent role for me. Change is not easy and it seems the older you get (and I'm getting up there) the harder it is. So this is my confession and apology of why I hadn't blogged in such a long time. I have been so out of my comfort zone that I had difficulty processing and thus difficulty sharing.

As I get to look back though, I am happy for the opportunities of seeing Children's Cup from other vantage points. At first I got to be what you might title a "CarePoint Coach" and go spend a full day at one CarePoint at a time. This is the dream of every missionary here. To get to spend alot of time in the field... hands on! I was there to evaluate a CarePoints strengths and give help in the areas they were weak. It was a wonderful experience and allowed me to bond with so many of the facilitators in a different way!

The next role I had, I helped visit different sites where we are assisting persons and/or churches with food to feed children in their communities. We needed to assess that the food is being used for the purposes intended and if the feeding site had the potential of becoming a CarePoint in the future. It was rewarding to see the other individuals and groups ministering to so many orphan and vulnerable children. It made me realize how vast the need is beyond where we currently are working but also that there truly are partners out there with the hearts of Christ and we do not serve alone. Some of the sites (I'm sorry not to have pictures) were so remote, the public transport does not even travel to the area. It was humbling to say the least. 

What a eye opening experience both of these temporary "positions" were for me! Although I know most all the aspects of Children's Cup in Swaziland, it was different looking at it without the eyes of just sponsorship. It allowed me to see a a fuller more complete picture of what we do, how we do it, how all the different ministries fit together and what areas we are weak and need to do it better.

I have to admit that I did not like being out of my regular "position" at the time. It was hard and I confess it challenged my identity of who I was as a missionary. "I run the office and oversee the sponsorship program". How could I travel the country and be of value outside of that role? It made me look at the simple but difficult motivation of why I am here. Is it for me or is it for Him?

"My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness." 2 Corintians 12:9

 Ouch! Easier to read than to walk out. As I look back, I feel blessed to have been through the journey. Blessed with the opportunity to see the broader picture! 

This is only the first 3 months of my transition! Know that most of these insights were not mine as I walked through this journey. My blog is getting too long, so for now I will pause. I will continue sharing and catching you up on the last 9 months and of my new home in South Africa, so stay tuned for the next addition.

(I promise to do it soon.)