It seems I
keep repeating that I am on a journey, but that is the only word that keeps
coming to mind when looking at 2014. Being on my own on the mission field has
been and is tough. I feel I make forward steps and rabbit trails and even go
backwards. I thought my identity was
rooted in Christ and it is but….. Recently we had a team who had a devotional
on “our identity” and I realized I was having trouble with no longer being a “Cup”
missionary. As a Children’s Cup
missionary for 6 years, I knew what the parameters were; I knew how things
worked; I knew the goals. Now I have the opportunity to be a “Christ”
missionary. I’m not saying that Cup missionaries aren’t Christ centered, but I’m
now saying my parameters, the way things work and the goals are directed by
Christ alone in my current situation and that causes me hesitation. I want to
hear Him clearly. In living alone, you have the opportunity for lots of “quiet”
time. Great you say, but for a rational, problem solving thinker, sometimes it
is hard to separate my wants (which can be rationalized so quickly) from His
desires. Or sometimes I just second guess myself way too much. So, if my
ministry seems to be confusing or changing, it is probably because it is.
The parts I
know for sure is that:
1) I am to work with a focus on children
and God has renewed my old vision for GABRIEL: Girls And Boys Receiving Instruction, Encouragement & Love.
2) I am to work with orphaned and
abandoned children through the government foster care system
3) I am to minister in South Africa and
at this point feel led to start in Badplaas area.
4) I am to start with support training
and encouragement for families in the rural areas who have a heart for caring
for children that are not their own. As we get our feet “wet” I’m sure God will
show us what works well and what doesn’t and whether a village setting is
needed or not.
Now I lay bare
the areas I have confusion and I ask you to pray for the following points right now and any
time God brings me to mind.
1) Should I pursue a trust? I have gotten responses from only one that I have asked to consider being over the trust.
2) I have been been approached to officially join
Emoyeni who I have been helping out with all year. They would allow me to do GABRIEL ministry under
their organizational umbrella. I felt a “No” when earlier this year I thought
of joining them or another ministry but at that time I was thinking GABRIEL would be more a village
type setting instead of a support for those staying in their own communities. I
don’t know if God was saying “No” at that time because my focus was wrong or if
the “No” was truly because I am to be out on my own. On the surface, the work Emoyeni
and I both do will be the same whether I am under or alongside of them,
volunteering to help in areas they need. So why does it matter? I’m not sure,
but in my gut I need God’s specific blessing on it. To me it is the difference
between a commitment and a covenant. It is the difference between being a
neighbor or becoming family.
3) The other BIG mental and physical
challenge to this ministry is working with the government. Just like in the
states, sometimes the bureaucracy and political games become the focus and not
the heart and the welfare of the child. I have a meeting (finally) with the
head of the Carolina office and the person over Foster Care for the Badplaas
area. My phone calls have been frustrating and lacking in positive
communication. Please pray for favor and for me to go in with the right
attitude. Even though I tried several times to meet when I was staying with the
team in Badplaas it never happened. Now that I am back in Nelspruit and finally
gotten hold of them, they have asked for an 8 am meeting for next Monday. That
is 2 hours away in a town I am not familiar with. Already I am frustrated and
feel they wanted me to decline their offer to meet. My prayer is to develop an
attitude of appreciation and cooperation toward them and that I can develop my
ministry to be a support and not a threat to them.
I thank you
for letting me share the bare truth of my struggles. As you can see,
missionaries are not wiser or holier or more together than anyone else. We need
prayer and love and understanding just like you.
For those of
you who have been donating to keep me on the field, I am humbled and grateful
beyond what I can express. To think that He has laid me on your heart to give
sacrificially to help me as I muddle through what my ministry will look like
and often not do it well is mind boggling and soul refreshing! I am thankful
that even though the enemy wants to point out what I lack, God keeps making it
all sort. I was even blessed with a day of pampering at a resort spa last week
from Emoyeni. I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Ever since the incident several
years back with my truck, I have trusted my finances to God and refuse to worry
about it. He never fails to either bring in extra funds when needed or show me
how to function without it.
And for those that God has not laid on your heart to give financially, He has blessed me through your willingness to read my ramblings, to give me words of encouragement and especially your remembrance of me in your prayers. Without your prayers and friendship I don’t know how I would cope. Thank you! You guys are the best! Until next time I need your help by letting me write it all out, take care and keep in touch! (Even questions and thoughts are welcome.)
Photo thanks to Beth Phillips for the lone flower on the work site and for Kay West for capturing me in my Emoyeni shirt. Thanks!
