The Bare Truth

It seems I keep repeating that I am on a journey, but that is the only word that keeps coming to mind when looking at 2014. Being on my own on the mission field has been and is tough. I feel I make forward steps and rabbit trails and even go backwards.  I thought my identity was rooted in Christ and it is but….. Recently we had a team who had a devotional on “our identity” and I realized I was having trouble with no longer being a “Cup” missionary.  As a Children’s Cup missionary for 6 years, I knew what the parameters were; I knew how things worked; I knew the goals. Now I have the opportunity to be a “Christ” missionary. I’m not saying that Cup missionaries aren’t Christ centered, but I’m now saying my parameters, the way things work and the goals are directed by Christ alone in my current situation and that causes me hesitation. I want to hear Him clearly. In living alone, you have the opportunity for lots of “quiet” time. Great you say, but for a rational, problem solving thinker, sometimes it is hard to separate my wants (which can be rationalized so quickly) from His desires. Or sometimes I just second guess myself way too much. So, if my ministry seems to be confusing or changing, it is probably because it is. 

The parts I know for sure is that:

1) I am to work with a focus on children and God has renewed my old vision for GABRIEL: Girls And Boys Receiving Instruction, Encouragement & Love.

2)  I am to work with orphaned and abandoned children through the government foster care system

3)  I am to minister in South Africa and at this point feel led to start in Badplaas area.

4)   I am to start with support training and encouragement for families in the rural areas who have a heart for caring for children that are not their own. As we get our feet “wet” I’m sure God will show us what works well and what doesn’t and whether a village setting is needed or not.

Now I lay bare the areas I have confusion and I ask you to pray for the following points right now and any time God brings me to mind.

1)    Should I pursue a trust? I have gotten responses from only one that I have asked to consider being over the trust.

2)    I have been been approached to officially join Emoyeni who I have been helping out with all year. They would allow me to do GABRIEL ministry under their organizational umbrella. I felt a “No” when earlier this year I thought of joining them or another ministry but at that time I was thinking GABRIEL would be more a village type setting instead of a support for those staying in their own communities. I don’t know if God was saying “No” at that time because my focus was wrong or if the “No” was truly because I am to be out on my own. On the surface, the work Emoyeni and I both do will be the same whether I am under or alongside of them, volunteering to help in areas they need. So why does it matter? I’m not sure, but in my gut I need God’s specific blessing on it. To me it is the difference between a commitment and a covenant. It is the difference between being a neighbor or becoming family.

3)    The other BIG mental and physical challenge to this ministry is working with the government. Just like in the states, sometimes the bureaucracy and political games become the focus and not the heart and the welfare of the child. I have a meeting (finally) with the head of the Carolina office and the person over Foster Care for the Badplaas area. My phone calls have been frustrating and lacking in positive communication. Please pray for favor and for me to go in with the right attitude. Even though I tried several times to meet when I was staying with the team in Badplaas it never happened. Now that I am back in Nelspruit and finally gotten hold of them, they have asked for an 8 am meeting for next Monday. That is 2 hours away in a town I am not familiar with. Already I am frustrated and feel they wanted me to decline their offer to meet. My prayer is to develop an attitude of appreciation and cooperation toward them and that I can develop my ministry to be a support and not a threat to them.

I thank you for letting me share the bare truth of my struggles. As you can see, missionaries are not wiser or holier or more together than anyone else. We need prayer and love and understanding just like you.

For those of you who have been donating to keep me on the field, I am humbled and grateful beyond what I can express. To think that He has laid me on your heart to give sacrificially to help me as I muddle through what my ministry will look like and often not do it well is mind boggling and soul refreshing! I am thankful that even though the enemy wants to point out what I lack, God keeps making it all sort. I was even blessed with a day of pampering at a resort spa last week from Emoyeni. I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Ever since the incident several years back with my truck, I have trusted my finances to God and refuse to worry about it. He never fails to either bring in extra funds when needed or show me how to function without it.

And for those that God has not laid on your heart to give financially, He has blessed me through your willingness to read my ramblings, to give me words of encouragement and especially your remembrance of me in your prayers. Without your prayers and friendship I don’t know how I would cope. Thank you! You guys are the best! Until next time I need your help by letting me write it all out, take care and keep in touch! (Even questions and thoughts are welcome.)

Photo thanks to Beth Phillips for the lone flower on the work site and for Kay West for capturing me in my Emoyeni shirt. Thanks!