When You Can't See God's Hand Trust His Heart

I had this saying on my wall both when I lived in Swaziland and in South Africa and I have it here. "When you can't see God's hand... trust His heart"  

I love it. But can I share how God has expanded my understanding of it recently? He has showed me that sometimes I don't see His hand, not because it isn't there but because my eyes are focused on the physical circumstances and not the real battle, the spiritual battle. In merely trusting His heart I have failed to get on my knees for the spiritual battle that is blinding my eyes to His hand. Ouch! That was what the movie War Room emphasized but I don't think I fully caught on.

God is so good and made this so easy for my slow mind to grasp this by using the most recent bible study I have been leading. I had decided to do Priscilla Shirer's study on Gideon. I thought it would be good for the ladies in church, many who might struggle with God being able to use them because they feel weak or unworthy. "Your weakness, God's STRENGTH". I love Priscilla Shirer and her teaching but honestly I wasn't excited with anticipation for myself. (In my prideful mind I already knew God could use someone like me because He had.) As usual, as we got into the study, God started stirring issues I needed to deal with. We learned that we are each CALLED by God and EMPOWERED by God to UNITE the people to STAND AGAINST the enemy. (This was taught with hand motions for the capitalized words.) Her second video session she said that God ARRANGES or ALLOWS EVERYTHING in our lives and He will USE IT for His glory if we let Him. To top it off the verse the groups chose (not assigned by the study) was

The key words (humble, gentle, patience, love, unity and peace) are things God pulled out each week as we progressed through the study. It was so cool how He was tieing unintentional things together! But then...... as the study came to an end and we studied how Gideon and Israel took their focus off of God and started looking through physical eyes at the circumstances and how they as a nation spiraled down and away from God, our church's physical circumstances took a nose dive. The pastor at our church for 22 years, resigned last Sunday! The congregation was/is in shock and devastated. And as we all tried to grasp the physical situation and the roller coaster of emotions I was able to see God's hand in this study. God knew about the resignation before we ever started our study and He took the time to prepare us! His heart was to prepare these groups of ladies to be united in Spirit and to spread humility, gentleness, patience and peace during this rough time where many churches fall into the trap of Satan and fight in the physical with blame, anger, frustration. Even IF (I'm not saying it was) the root of this was started with Satan's intention for division, God has allowed it because His plan for our church and for the pastor is far beyond what we could ever hope or imagine. God arranged or allowed it to happen. PERIOD. We have to trust God in the circumstances and for the future. We need to take up the battle on our knees and not with physical desire of finding out the "whys". We have to trust God that His heart, even when we go though tough times or when we will not be alongside someone we care about, IS there and that is ALL we or they need.  Easier said than done, I know but I feel impressed by the Holy Spirit to remind us of it. I sometimes joke that part of the reason God called me to Africa was to separate me from those I might have been hindering their growth in their journey with God. I'm not saying that is what He is doing in this situation.  I honestly do not know. But I am saying He knows and the battle will be won on our knees more than in one word we say (unless He specifically tells us to say it).

It has been awhile since I've blogged but yesterday when driving back from processing my spiritual journey with a close friend, I felt God said to blog. Maybe He is asking me to share this because someone, and not necessarily in my church, is also struggling. Struggling because Satan has thrown them either a huge curve ball like us or they are in a situation that seems to have snowballed or it feels like the turmoil will never end. I pray in Jesus Name, right now that God opens their spiritual eyes! Opens OUR spiritual eyes. That we will see that the battle is not on the physical front. It is in trusting Him above the physical. It is laying down control or the need to understand. It is the letting go and asking God what He wants us to do. I pray that even if we are seeing someone else in a spiritual battle but they can only see the physical that we will stand in that gap for them and be a mighty prayer warrior for them. Odds are the answer from God will be nothing we would have thought of ourself and might even sound as foolish or more so than Gideon's 300 going against 135,000 with only clay pots, torches and trumpets! But I pray we let go of even thinking we have some control, some logical wisdom, some need to battle in our strength. As Priscilla Shirer pointed out that Lucifer thought on those lines when he fell from heaven. I pray that we will blow the socks off of Satan with our humble, gentle, loving, peaceful, obedient unity in whatever situation we find ourselves in. I pray for a spiritual awakening of the need for our spiritual eyes to be opened. For our hearts to be flooded with spiritual truths and not the lies of what we think we see or feel. I pray that good things that we have gone too far with.... love that smothers and worries that bind us rather than trusts God, good intentions that become prideful and in our own strength and assumes rather than asks God anymore, that all of these will be let go as we take up God's weapons instead, whatever He says they are and that the outside world will be flabbergasted at how God uses next to nothing to transform a life, a relationship, a church, a nation a ______________ (you fill in the blank)!!!

Thank you for letting me share. I am excited to see how God transforms our church as we stand in the gap for the battle to be fought in the spiritual and not the physical! And if you need someone to spiritually attack in prayer with you and/or share the miracle He brings forth, please message me and I will be happy to pray and rejoice with you. God is good...ALL the time!

The End of an Era

So, if the first half of my trip back to Africa stretched my bow beyond what I thought capable, the second half relaxed the bow and allowed me to reflect on the places my arrow had flown and hit over the last 7+ years as a missionary. Going back was of course "the same, just different".

It was the same in the way that the people and places were familiar. There were cows in the road. I was able to "hoot" my horn (you don't "honk" in Africa). I was able to return to being comfortable driving on the left side of the road and to stop when the "robot" (stop light) turned red. I was able to enjoy butternut and feta cheese and "beet root" (I was corrected twice for referring to it as only "beets"). It was different in that my "grace" was gone and it was no longer where I belong.

Let me explain. Something I learned as a missionary is that if you don't answer a call on your life you will be miserable because something will always be "missing". But when God calls you to do something, He gives you the grace to do it. It is that grace that helps you to overcome cultural differences, environmental differences and a supernatural peace about the distance from the family and friends you love. That doesn't mean being a missionary or doing anything God calls you to do is easy, it just means you have the grace to endure it with a sense that you are exactly where you are suppose to be.  Even as seen below as I joined my Nelspruit church cell group dinner and we had to eat by candlelight because of "load shedding" (rotating electricity outages) during our scheduled event.

My lack of "grace" for Africa didn't mean I was miserable being back... hardly. It was more a sense that my unexpected life as a missionary in Africa had come to an end. When God called me, being a missionary was no where on my radar but at the same time, once I was in the "field" I never expected not to still be one. This trip allowed me to reflect and fully grasp that the era had come to an end.  I'm sure, like you, we try to live a Christian life that reflects Him. We don't always succeed and we rarely realize what impact we have had but over time we hopefully can look back and see that we are reflecting Him better than we use to. This half of my trip was realizing the lessons God had taught me, mainly that what is the light of His kingdom is relationships more than my actions.  I was fortunate to be able to see that my relationships impacted not only me in a positive way but also helped others draw closer to God. I have to say I grew leaps and bounds in being relational while I lived in Africa. The culture puts much more emphasis on relationships than anything else. It takes precedence over time and/or even financial constraints!!! I'm speaking beyond family and sometimes includes complete strangers.  
"Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”
John 13:35 
Sometimes I wonder if this one truth is why He had me in Africa. (Actually it is probably one of many reasons God needed me to leave my old life so I could focus on Him.) While I was in Swaziland and South Africa I might not have been able to see everyone I wanted but I had the peace that I saw the ones that were meant for me to hug in person. Regardless of physical touch there are people and memories from my "era" that have impacted me and touched my life. People and memories that drew me closer to God, showed me His love, confirmed His presence in the hard and unexplainable times, taught me to trust more, love deeper and obey Him above all else. The physical "era"of being a missionary in Africa might have finished (which also means another "era" is beginning), but I thank God for all of you that I had the privilege of doing "life" with and the ripples of change and inspiration you have been in my life will continue to enable me to minister to others.
(The pictures posted below are not all or just the "important" people but a handful of the ones that I had the presence of mind to remember to take. LOL!)

I am so grateful that God loved me enough to call me to serve in Africa and impact me beyond what I could ever imagine.

"Now glory be to God! By His mighty power at work within us, He is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope." Ephesians 3:20 

Stretching the Bow

Sorry for the delay in updating you on my trip back to Africa. It was amazing in different ways than ever before. Today I am processing on how the first part and reason for my trip stretched me beyond what I was capable of.

Let me back up to January 2014. I lived in Nelspruit and had just separated from Children's Cup and was feeling lost. I went to a small church  there that was more charismatic than I am accustomed to but I enjoyed the service. After that service an American missionary had a "word" for me. At some later point in time I will go into more detail of her prophesy but the one part God reminded me of this past week was that He was pulling back the bow and I was the arrow. Thus the title of this blog.

A little more history is that last year, my son Michael and daughter-in-law Stephanie felt the Lord asking them to be the leaders (directors) for a YWAM (Youth With A Mission) DTS (Discipleship Training School). It is a 6 month program for young adults. The first 3 months consists of classroom work, learning who God is, the foundations of being His disciple and learning to draw into a close relationship with Him as well as local outreach and campus work duties. The second half of the school is going out on a missionary journey to usually, for this base, an Asian or African country.

Michael and Stephanie felt led to ask me if I would teach for a week of DTS about "Hearing the Voice of God". Even though I am not a scholar and have never really taught anything, I felt the Lord saying to do it. When they asked it was almost a year down the road and I was living in northern South Africa (they were in southern South Africa). Fast forward through God calling me back to the U.S. and a flurry of processing the emotions and logistics for reentry and even more insecurity about my ability to teach. Talk yes, but teach......oh my! I was constantly battling "worry" and "fear" and a sense of being overwhelmed but I still felt I was suppose to try.

Our ladies group (GIRL Time) at my church picked Priscilla Shirer "Discerning the Voice of God" as our first bible study this spring. (God so good!) This study helped me not only look at someone teaching along the same topic.  And yes I was able to use some of her thought processes and quotes from her study in my teaching. But I still had not wrapped my head around "how" to teach it all when I left for Africa. I had lots of notes and material from several sources as well as my life experience and I had started a visual presentation on Keynote (PowerPoint equivalent) but not gotten pass the first day. I kept taking deep breaths. I wasn't trying to not be prepared but I was actually lost at how to prepare. I felt way out of my league.

I had teased Michael that he invited his mom to CapeTown in the worst month of the year there... the middle of rainy, cold winter. He just laughed and said to pray for summer weather then. Honestly, I didn't really pray about it because I felt praying about how I was going to teach was the more immediate need. But God knows how to speak to our soul in a way we will hear. He loved on me by stopping the rain the day I landed and bringing the sun to shine for most all the time of my trip!!! Stop, take a moment right now and reflect on what God has brought across your path that is special to you! (A pretty flower, a cool breeze, a hug, a smile, a verse in the Bible, a song or just something that speaks to you.) God is ever present in your life and He loves each of us! This was the view from my room on base showing the beautiful day the Lord had made!

Back to my trip, by arriving on Thursday before my week of teaching, I was able to sit in on the Friday class of the speaker the week before me. This time of year DTS tends to be a smaller and more intimate group of young adults. There were students from Canada, Egypt, South Korea, Zimbabwe and different nationalities from South Africa. English was not the first language of most of them, so they relied heavily on notes they could use for review. My notes were not in an ordered manner and since I had never taught before, they were definitely not typed up to hand out. I decided then that my slide presentation needed to be complete so we could convert them to a PDF for notes. I used preparing my slides to help me organize my thoughts. My first day of slides went quick. (Did I mention I was to teach 3 hours a day for 5 days??!!!). Monday night I stayed up until 2 am "preparing" and woke up tired and with a migraine. Tues, broke me. I finally let it go and said "God I've been trying to do it too much of this in my own strength. You have got to show up and direct me and I need to let You." That day I took a nap first and then plugged away knowing that regardless of where I was, I would stop in time to go to bed and it would be what it was. I could tweak it a bit before class the next morning but God had to make it, through my imperfection, what they needed to hear. It was still an exhausting amount of work all week but God showed up and I had material for the whole week that seemed to be what the students could use and apply. I was blessed by encouragement from the staff and at the end of the week received a card from the students and staff that showed God had planted some seeds in several of them to hear Him better and to recognize and attack strongholds that had been holding them back! I was thrilled that God chose to use me this way and that I made it through the whole week!

  

Ah! But God wasn't done stretching me that week. Thursday night was base worship and guess who was asked to speak? Base worship goes beyond the DTS group to groups visiting on base and the community and staff that live around the base. Now I am far from shy and can do announcements with fun and enthusiasm (I can laugh at myself if I mess up). But having to speak for God or rather let God speak through me is intimidating and a role I would hate to mess up. It overwhelmed me to think of what to speak about even though this was just a 20-30 minute time frame (compared to the hours I was teaching). I prayed to God but my answer was "don't plan and let Me speak". ???? How could I stand up there without a plan? God replied, "tell your story" (this is safe ground for you, you know your life) but "don't plan on what part and I will direct the direction you go". This was another form of stretching me and of me letting go of control. Well, despite my nervousness and hot flashes (did I mention I started having 'power surges' when I landed in Africa?), it went well, nothing earth shattering for me but not a disaster either. I guess I expected to feel a more supernatural event or current flowing through me. Afterwards, several people told me that there were parts of my testimony that spoke into their lives.  The next day I was told that a team who was visiting could not stop talking about my talk that night. They related strongly to several parts of my story and specifically to a part that I would never have included and in fact was thinking while I was talking of why I went there. Duh! God!!! He knew what they needed to hear and led me to share how He had worked in my life in a similar situation. No fireworks, just God being God and using one person to be the instrument for Him to speak to another. Crazyily awesome!!!!

Thank you for reading my lengthy blog. I could have given you the nice wrapped up version but I felt it important to bring you through the process with me. That stretching is a struggle. I have mixed feelings about the whole time in CapeTown. I have a feeling of awe and amazement of how God brought it together. I loved seeing Him do what I thought was impossible. I love becoming at least a temporary mama to the students and miss getting to see how they continue to blossom over their 6 month journey. But I also would not volunteer to do it again unless I felt specifically told by God to do it. In my weakness I could see His strength, wisdom and blessing. But it was hard, exhausting and uncomfortable journey. Was the stretching because "teaching" is in my future or was it to "teach" me to let go and let God point my arrow? He knows the angle and distance and bullseye it needs to hit. Or maybe both? Time will tell.

Coming soon is the second half of my trip to Africa, visiting the people and places where I use to minister.

Less Than 3 Days From Now

Wow! I have been in the states for only 3 1/2 months now. It is less time than I spent on my first leave in the states in 2009 yet it seems at times like so much longer. And it has been so different!

When I came home that first time in March 2009 I had severe reverse culture shock. I was uncomfortable back in what should have felt like home. Over the years I was able to find balance and enjoy my time in the states but it never felt like it was "home"...."home" had become Africa. So, needless to say I was apprehensive when I felt God calling me to move back permanently to the U.S. even though I had peace that it was what He was telling me to do. If you look back at old blogs it always said "to the states" not "home". I wasn't naive. I have known many who have moved back "home" and encountered depression, issues adjusting and trouble connecting and reconnecting. With that in mind I actively worked through the "ReEntry" book by Peter Jordan and tried to make sure I had strong closer leaving Africa and realistic expectations about returning to live with my mom.  And I made the 30 day find something positive every day goal for my new surroundings.

So I did my part but honestly God has shown up in unbelievable ways!!!! I don't know how to explain it.  Although mom and I haven't worked out all the kinks of two strong independent ladies who have lived alone the last several years and now find themselves roommates; and I am in a state that I have visited and was born in but haven't lived in for almost 50 years; and I can't yet see what the long term plan God has for me in ministry or work....I can honestly say, I feel like this is "HOME"!!! (I'm afraid only missionaries will fully understand the miracle in that statement.) It can only be by God's grace and confirms to me that God did call me back here. As a missionary, one of the things you discover is that if God calls you, He gives you the grace to adapt. When you are where God has for you it just fells right. Not necessarily smoothly but with peace. The cultural frustrations don't seem as overwhelming. The weather doesn't seem so hot or cold. You can see the beauty in the world you are in (whether poverty, bugs, long lines or cultural differences). When my son Michael went to India on his first outreach with YWAM we marveled how the extreme heat didn't seem oppressive to him. I was always amazed that I could handle cows and/or potholes in the road, clotheslines, no cable TV, no air conditioning or doing things differently with an attitude of "it is the same, just different". I've come to realize, it is not because we were special, it was by the grace of God. And I am feeling His grace now. In this short period of time, I feel a sense of belonging to something bigger. God is moving and He is including me on some level in it. Step by step. Trusting, loving, encouraging and evidently teaching are my current steps. In many ways it feels the same as my first months in Swaziland, when I was learning and growing in my role there! It is exciting yet scary, strange yet comfortable, new yet not so new....... the same, just different! And yes, like it is "home".

"We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps" Proverbs 16:9

And now, in less than 3 days, I will be getting on a plane back to Africa for 3 weeks. The first week for a teaching engagement I had agreed to last year with YWAM (where my son Michael and his wife Stephanie are directors for this 6 months Discipleship Training School) and then of course, to go back and visit Swaziland, Badplaas and Nelspruit. I am full of such a mixture of feelings. In some ways, surprisingly, I don't want to go. I've just started feeling in a routine. I'm feeling that I'm finding secure footing and my niche in many areas of my life. Then there is the stretching of teaching, which is something I feel totally weak in. God will sort it and my prayer is that in my weakness that He can be seen all the more! And on the other hand, I miss the relationships, I long for my friends. I miss my son and daughter-in-law but especially my missionary and African co-workers I have built such deep friendships with. Yet I know from moving around often as a child that going back is never the same. We will be able to pick up where we left on some level but there is an ocean between us now and that distance will change us and grow us apart in some ways.

God gave me a word the other day that my journey back to my "old life" is not going to be at all like I expect. Since I wasn't sure what I expected, I felt blogging would help me identify those expectations so I can reflect on them after I return home. I know I should have been blogging more since I arrived in the states and I apologize. In many ways my journey on paper seems smaller than being in Africa. But you are all such a great support and encouragement to me even if I don't get to run around with cute little kids any more. I thank you and I will try to be better about processing the ups and downs in my life on a more consistent basis. It will just be "the same, just different"!

Proud to be an American

Yesterday at church the pastor asked for those who served in the United States military, past and present to stand up. I think it was about a third of our congregation! He then had each give their name and their branch of service and when they served. 

There have been times that I missed my life in Africa and there will be more in the future I'm sure. But yesterday and today I am full of emotion and gratitude for being an American. Sometimes we get caught up in the current apathy or disagreement with how things are currently done in America but yesterday as they went from person to person,  and they shared their branch (army, navy, air force, marines, and reserves) and war or years they served (WWII, Korean, Vietnam, Cuban missile, Desert Storm, active reserve) the Lord just impressed upon me how blessed I am. Today as I see posts online and items in the news, as I see the flags waving at my dad's cemetery and other places, parades and people wearing red, white and blue, I pray that America will remember to be United. I pray that we will support each other and love each other even when we disagree and remember our past. I pray that we all look toward the face of God and recognize how truly blessed we are. 

It is in our unity that He has made us strong.

I feel America has lost sight of it's blessing because we continually focus on the faults not the strengths. I watched Mom's Night Out last night (hysterical and not necessarily patriotic) but the line about God didn't make a mistake in making you. Each of us are made for a purpose. If we unite in encouraging that in each other what a glorious strong nation we will be.

I am proud to be an American! I am blessed by God to be here and to remember all that He has done for me and His sacrifice! I am also deeply thankful for those who have protected and served in every branch of our armed forces! Thank you being willing to give your life for mine!

For Now....

Wow! I've been living (not visiting) in the states, (Broken Arrow, Oklahoma to be exact) for just over 2 months now. So I think it is time. Time for me to share a bit of my new journey.

I have peace. Peace that my time in Africa was up. But what I don't have is answers. I honestly don't know why my time in Africa was up or my time back in the states needed to begin. I thought I did. I thought it was because my mom would be needing me. That belief probably made it easier for me to leave, but I have now learned it is not why God called me back. My mom might be 80 (almost 81) but she is very capable of caring for herself. She does have some short term memory issues but it is not expected to progress and in fact in recent neuropsychological testing, she scored in the "very superior" range in her nonverbal and "superior" in her verbal. Even in areas of issues she only dropped to "average" or "mildly impaired. All that to say, she is far from needing my "help".

So, I have no clue to God's plan for my long term future. I do know that He has grown me A LOT in my faith journey because before I went to Africa, I couldn't function without a plan, without knowing the reason behind it all. But I can function. I am not frozen in the limbo but able to embrace the now. For now, God is stretching me. Now God is having me LEAD (I prefer to say facilitate) 

a women's bible study.

 For now, God is helping me prepare to teach a WHOLE week at YWAM in July. 

For now, I am helping a friend write the book she feels led by God to write.

For now, I'm not sure what the future holds. I just am confident who holds it. 

That's all ...... for now!

30 Day Pledge

As I way to help me in reacclamating back to America, I am pledging to to find a positive thing I appreciate in my new home country, America, each and every day for the next month. 

I will add to this blog regularly.

For those who have always lived in U.S., you might be  saying "Duh, America is the best place on earth!" But one thing I learned early in life (because I moved around a lot in the U.S. as a child), every place has it good and bad points. I could do the same thing for Swaziland and South Africa but for now my focus is to be on the positive of where God has put me right now. I hope those who live in the USA will have a renewed appreciation for those things they might have taken for granted. And  for those in other countries, I encourage you to do the same for the country you are residing...it should be easy. All places are the same, just different! 

So let's rejoice and embrace those differences!

Day #1 The sound of water

Water is soothing for me and although I am not near an ocean, I have the sound of running water coming in my bedroom window from the fountains in the man made lake outside my mom's back yard. Ahhhh, music to calm my spirit.

Day #2 A gym!

There is a gym and a senior center nearby. I took a Zumba class today!
When I was having a rough time last year I was so thankful for the gym in Nelspruit to keep my  endorphins up and help with keeping a positive attitude. God is good and I look forward to losing a
few pounds and adding a bit of muscle in the process!

Day #3 Paved roads!

On this rainy day in Tulsa I am relishing that I get to drive solely on "tar" (paved) roads and not on muddy, sliding, full of ruts dirt roads.

Day #4 Thrift stores!

What better way to get clothes I need than at a thrift store and on half price fill a bag day!
4 pairs of pants, 2 skirts and 3 tops for under $25 and some still had new tags on them!
I also actually got to try things on in a dressing room!
(Those who have been to bend and pick with me in Swaziland knows what I usually use.)

Day #5 The opportunity to worship

It is refreshing to know that God is the same everywhere. Worship might take different forms, but it is wonderful to change it up and sing some of the traditional hymns again.
"Trust and Obey" the hymn I try to live by.
Thanks Indian Springs Baptist Church!

Day#6 The opportunity to learn

I feel lost in technology. It is a bit intimidating and also exciting to learn new things and feel more comfortable with my computer and hopefully my phone (I hope I will get it today). Just to have workshops available is wonderful  but to have free ones....I am very grateful!

Day #7 Laughter

Not all my positive things, as you might notice are things only found in the states. As I finish out my first week on this side of the pond, I find that the gift of  laughter is helping me adjust. Amongst all the chaos of unpacking and setting up life in Broken Arrow, my mom and I find laughter has been a good release of tension.

Day #8  Technology

I know social media can be excessive and overdone but from the aspect of having lived on the other side of the world it is wonderful. I honestly cannot picture life as a missionary without it.
From being on this side of the ocean I am loving unlimited phone calls and texting! It is very limited in Africa, but What's App is there and I am thankful for being able to use it to keep in touch with friends across the ocean!
So 3 cheers for technology!!!

Day #9 Our dogs

One of the extravagant things I did in moving was bringing Logan ( my Yorkie) with me to the states with me. My mom also has a dog, Shawnee (a beagle mix). Although it will take time for them to fully adjust I am thankful for their company and their need for a walk. They keep us on our toes and keeping us  active.

Day #10  Christian Radio Stations

There are radio stations in Africa but very eclectic in what they play on it from talk radio (not usually in English) to gospel to rap to native music. Since I have arrived I have truly enjoyed driving in the car and being able to listen to Christian radio.

Day #11 Cruise Control

Such a blessing! Drove out to get some of my things that a team had brought ahead for me and in that hour drive (and yes I am driving on the right side of the road) it was nice to be able to set the vehicle on cruise control. My how that would have been nice on some of my drives in Africa.

Day #12 Friends

None of these things I am thankful for are listed in importance but just as they come up. But if I were to rank them, friends, would be at the top of the list. I had friends who brought some of my things from Africa when they were there last Dec. and stored them until I arrived. I have friends on both sides of the ocean checking up on me to see how I am doing. And at church and the gym, I am making new friends all the time. God is so good! I treasure the relationships more than the "things"
in my life.

Day #13 Free Refills

One of the frivolous things I am having fun with (although I haven't been out to restaurants much) is that I can have free refills and plenty of Dr. Pepper!!!

Day #14 Weather Tracking

Bad weather happens everywhere in one form or another but in Oklahoma tornados come quickly. I am thankful for the sirens that let you know, even if you are in Walmart to take shelter.

Day #15 A sturdy home

Having been places where people live in homes that are not very durable, secure, warm or even dry, I am thankful, especially on stormy nights, for how fortunate I am to have a sturdy roof that doesn't even leak, windows and doors and floors that aren't dirt.

Day #16 Mom

Mom's are great, no debate there. But even at my age, when you are sick, it is nice to know that your mom is there. She doesn't even have to do anything. It has been a long time since I've been able to have my mom nearby when I got sick.

Day#17 A bed

Between stormy weather and being sick, wow I love that I have a nice warm bed that is soft and cozy!

Day#18 Health

Often you wait until things are gone before you realize what you had. Between being sick and hearing the struggles of those with cancer and surgeries and other illnesses, I am so thankful that overall I am pretty darn healthy and strong.

Day #19 Teachers

In this case I'm talking my Sunday School teacher. I am thankful that our teacher on Sunday is a man of God who is passionate about God. He dives deep to into scripture and encourages and challenges me to not let it be in a box of what I think it should be but to let it be alive and speak to me even if it challenges my beliefs. The more you learn, the more you realize how much you don't know.

Day #20 Eyeglasses

It is nice to have places you can easily go and get your eyes checked and get glasses to make it easier to see while you drive and while your read. Yes, I'm getting my first pair of bifocals.

Day#21 Customer Service

Some things just don't go well. I left my old computer with the ministry in Africa. My new used one was not only something I needed to learn how to use, it wasn't working like it was suppose to and actually turned out not to be what I had supposedly purchased. I was not a happy camper. I prayed for a calm spirit as I went back to the store because I was hot under my collar. But I had the nicest manager who despite his bad day with employees and other customers (I was there just before closing). He was sincere, fair and made sure things were made right. I'm so grateful for this ex-navy man's attitude of integrity and customer service and his commitment to do his not so glamorous job with excellence!

Day #22 Beautiful weather

it is so nice when you have the time, the friend, the place and the weather cooperates to have a lovely walk and talk. Sunshine for the soul both inside and out! Thanks Janelle for the exercise, counsel, laughter and friendship!

Day #23 Neuro psycologist

Yeah, I didn't know there were such a person either. But my mom saw one today and through a battery of "silly" tests he will be able to know which parts of the brain aren't functioning properly and with that information determine what is probably causing the issues she is having. I might need to sign up because I seem to be having many a "brain fart" (is what I call them) myself.

Day #24 Positive Attitude

Mom and I got to eat out and popped into a Subway at the late end of lunch time. It seemed to have been a busy day yet I was greeted with an enthusiastic manager. I had to take notice of his quick smile, joyful comments and great attitude. I left happier and with a feeling of being appreciated! Wow, from a place I was just buying a sandwich. I have resolved to try and remember the difference one person's attitude can make and to make mine be where someone else feels appreciated!

Day #25 Senior Discount

While I am being positive about America, let me celebrate getting older too! I qualify for a lot of senior discounts at 55 AND was qualified to join the senior center where I am learning Tai Chi and how to play bridge!

Day #26 Reality Shows

In this area I am probably over doing it but it has been a lot of fun watching Dancing with the Stars, rooting for a local singer on the Voice and seeing Amazing Race travel through Africa!

Day #27 Flowers

Spring is in the air! And although spring came in Africa too, I enjoy the different flowers. The Easter lilies, tulips and hyacinths are beautiful as well as all the pansies and my mom's rose bush is blooming! Gorgeous and fragrant!

Day #28 Mexican Food

Except for friends who are good cooks, Mexican food has lacking in my diet while in Africa! And bottomless chips and salsa is muy bueno!

Day #29 New Challenges

You would think that being a missionary that God would call me to get involved in an area I have experience in......NOT! God loves to stretch us and grow us in our faith! So pray for me as I start to lead a women's bible study (including cooking dinner), help with the sound and video and whatever else God has in store. (My missionary friends can stop laughing now! God is known for His miracles!)

Day #30 God is the same

The best thing about transitioning to the states is that even though my environment has changed and I am changing, my God is the same one who held me up in Africa. He is the same one who provided my needs or made my needs match what He had provided. His love for me and for everyone I come into contact with has not altered; it is still beyond my comprehension. I am so thankful that He is. Period. Nothing more and nothing less.

Be blessed my friends! I know it seems more exciting to hear what God is doing in a culture far away but I look forward to all He is going to be doing in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma and I hope to be an active part of some of it! I hope that you too will be able to notice all that He is doing where you are, no matter which side of the ocean you live!

Tick Tock

Overwhelmed, head spinning, emotions all over the place. Only 2 more sleeps until I try to transport my life in Africa in suitcases across the ocean. So much to do, but tick tock. But some things never change...God is with me. quiet time first.
"Search for the Lord and His strength..." 1 Chronicles 16:11
"But forget all that---It is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do a brand new thing. See I have already begun! Do you not see it? ..." Isaiah 43:18-19

P.S. Another new thing, my replacement.... Chanan Kutenda Manyawu born 6 March to Vimbai and Tendai. Love you guys and will miss you!

(Note: Tropical setting is my living room picture not Africa.)

It's Rough

 My devotion today is Psalm 32:8

 "The Lord says, 'I will guide you along the best pathway for you life.

 I will advise you and watch over you.'" 

Ah, sweet words but even when you know where He is telling you to go, it can be rough.

It's not going to be easy for me to leave Africa.

I have been having moments, as my last day draws near (less than 2 weeks), of being angry with God, moments where I challenge or even doubt His plan. This morning I had the opportunity to listen to Beth Moore's telling of the time when God told her to brush an old man's long grey unkempt hair (he was a total stranger). It is a beautiful story of humility and obedience and of seeing God use it for His glory. Step by step I am transitioning back to living in America, something I honestly cannot picture after 7 years in Africa. But God has been faithful to show me again and again over the years, that He can be trusted. And His way unfolds something beautiful and usually has an unexpected blessing attached.

 I moved a lot as a child and know that there are good points and not so good things about every place. (Africa has it's not so good points too, just different ones than the U.S.) My goal when I land in Oklahoma, is to recognize and appreciate the good and to recognize and make peace with the things that might not be so good or just different enough that I miss where I was. 

Trust and obey.  Even when sometimes it is tough to actually do. One step at a time.
This step is goodbyes and trust.

Psalm 32:8 has more impact to me though when I add verse 9 

"Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control." 

Ouch! 

Here's to trusting God and and my new pathway (it is the best)! 

And to remembering to not be... yeah, you know what I mean.

Have a great day!

Asikulumisane

With just over 2 weeks before I leave Africa, I'm enjoying reflecting on this FB post from 5 years ago about my favorite Siswati word ... Asikulumisane "ah-see-coo-loo-me-saw-nee". So in the spirit of this Timehop, may I communicate how much I love the people in my life on this side of the ocean, that have touche my life over the past 7 years!
To those I have worked with (including those who preceded me in leaving Africa), those who have let me high five twirl them, all those I have offended, all who have loved on me...and so many more...I leave my love and admiration. You have helped me to listen better, be more relational and to "let things go" because "it will sort" (even my moving back to the states). I will miss you deeply but rest in the knowledge that one day, whether in Africa or in our eternal mansions, we WILL dance and sing and twirl together again!