Lessons learned

Someone asked if I really liked being an African missionary or was I just saying it. I have to say I honestly love it here! God is growing me in many ways. I promised to process my lessons learned from Pepe so let me pause to reflect.
1) I learned not to become overwelmed by the whole but focus on what I can do for the one. There are so many sick children in Africa that suffer from malnutrition, aids, TB and other diseases.
Can we take in every child? No.
Did we need to take in Pepe and Mfana? Yes.
2) I am to listen to God and move when He says go forth. When I took Pepe in, the father had not "signed away his rights" officially. I was asked if she died in my care would Children's Cup be liable. I said yes but had a great peace that He was in it and it would be okay. I am confident I had reached out with God's direction not out of my own desire to be this child's rescuer. That's a good feeling when you can look back and actually know that for once you were able to stand aside and let God use you.
3) I don't have to have all the answers. My rational side could have had a field day with the "what ifs". I had no idea how long I would have Pepe, how to communicate with her, how sick she would be or how we would get along. It didn't matter. God worked it all out, at the moment it was needed, rarely before. He knew the answers and it was a blessing to rest in that and let Him worry about the answers.
4) I need to listen better. Yes, Siswati is full of clicks and strange sounds and sometimes Pepe would say some Siswati or ask for a food that I'm not familiar with "emasi" (sour milk) but the hysterical thing was that not once, not twice but 3 times I assumed she was saying something in Siswati and I would call a coworker to translate and it turned out Pepe was speaking English!! It was quite comical and became the running joke if I called Zinty to translate, Pepe would be speaking English not Siswati.
5) I do have a soft side. For those of you who know me well, you know I hardly ever shed a tear. I have realized for a long time that God wanted me to feel my emotions in a deeper way. I have known it and been working on it but last Thursday morning I sat at Baylor clinic holding a sick child who was at her lowest physical point since she had been with me. I thought she might be running a fever (she wasn't). She was lethargic and slept the whole time we sat waiting for the doctors where other days she had sat waiting with anxiety, alert and never dosing. I had fought so hard to keep her out of the hospital but that day I didn't know if that was what was best for her. I had told God that if her weight was down for the 4th day in a row that I would not argue if the doctors wanted to admit her. I sat there rocking her and praying. I realized God was using her to help me "feel". Many of you are already in tears when you read this but not I. I prayed God would help me "feel" but not at Pepe's expense or suffering. I knew, because of her fear of the hospital that I would break down if she had to be admitted but I didn't want her to have to be admitted for me to shed tears. As I sat there I prayed that God would help me take down my walls around my emotions without allowing suffering in others, I felt some of the bricks fall. I still haven't had a melt down or a big cry but I am becoming aware and better able to recognize and feel emotional pain rather than conceal it. (She did not have to be admitted.)
6) God is in control and does a better job than I. A week before we had been clueless as to where these two children could stay permanently, then last Friday we found a Methodist church run group home here in town. I had reached the point of feeling overwelmed and tired. How could I care properly for this child over the long haul. She needed to be with other Swazi children and in her own environment, not with a white lady who cared but whose culture confused Pepe. The group home has room for 2 children with this "Make" (Mah-gay) or mother. They are holding Mfana's spot for when he gets out of the hospital. They have children that range from 5 to 18. They have cared for children who were as sick as Pepe and Mfana and those children are now in school. They have several children that came from our Fonteyn CarePoint when parents had been unable to care for them and those children are now doing well and thriving. It is probably the closest facility to Teresa's and my home and will be easy to keep in touch with Pepe and Mfana. Isn't God good??? Beyond what we ever imagine.
7) I am excited about the future! I have no clue what my future holds and remarkably that's okay. I don't have a 5 year plan and it doesn't bother me. I feel I'm on a roller coaster ride that will have twists and turns and be beyond what I could ever imagine!! Exciting, and fun and meaningful if I continue to move aside and be God's vessel.
A quote from my bible study about what God desires: "I delight in a heart that welcomes My work rather than resents it. A willing, teachable spirit is all I'm looking for. A life so surrendered to me, I can do My work unhindered." May I have have that teachable, surrendered spirit!!!

"I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wonderously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong! By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward -- to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back." Philippians 3:12-14 (The Message Translation)