1 Peter 5:7 "Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."
I was reading it and thinking, I've got this covered. I'm not anxious about the breast biopsy that will be delaying my trip back to Swaziland. (Although I miss everyone there terribly and feel so out of the loop.)
(Update: 2 mammograms show distortion on my left side, very small and high probability of being just calcifications but I have to have it needle biopsied. It could not be scheduled until the 8th with results not in until the 11th or 12th --I was scheduled to leave the 9th)
I'm not worried about my house not being rented yet or my finances. I figure it's all His anyway and He'll help me make it all work. But then He said "So then why can't you lie in green pastures and enjoy the still waters?" "You are worried about not having enough faith to move mountains or that you are not 'doing enough' away from Swaziland that you are refusing to rest in Me."
BAM!!!
That was God hitting the nail on my head! That's why God keeps bringing me back to the 23rd Psalm (and not to the valley of the shadow of death part)! I'm not really resting in Him while I am away. Why? 'Cause Satan is good at his job and sucked me into "holy" worrying: Need to take time to see everyone that I ever had contact with before I left for Swaziland, share my ministry with everyone I meet, get my house in order, get my house rented, make financial decisions, help my mom make decisions, grieve for my dad; so many "works" to try to fit in. None of them are bad or wrong. Not even that any should have been left undone. But there is nothing holy about worrying about getting them done. Nothing relaxing in stressing over "Am I doing everything?", "Am I doing it right?", "Am I forgetting anything?" "Should I or could I be doing more?". I allowed Satan to steal my joy of each day and each encounter.
Today's devotional was on the "Secret of contentment" which is: "Doing it because the Lord has called me and because of the love and relationship I have with Him. Whether it succeeds or fails is of no consequence to me. What is important to me is that I'm doing what the Lord has called me to do." I haven't been content, not because I'm away from hands on ministry in Swaziland but because I was not doing what God called me to do for these last several weeks; enjoying green pastures and still waters. Time to be content again!
Tomorrow, VERY early, I leave for a short cruise with my mom. We have both been lacking the enthusiasm of anticipating it. Even tried to get out of it "for the sake of the biopsy". But I think it is just what the Lord has ordered, time away from any kind of communication or normal routine. Even in our grief it is okay to laugh and celebrate an adventure. Easy to say but not so easily done. I'm ready to rest Lord until you provide my timing back to Swaziland. No more agenda. No more worrying about being the "perfect" Christian. I will rejoice and be happy that You saved me, You love me and You care about me and there is NOTHING for me to worry about!!!!! So what has the Lord been showing you lately?