The longer I'm here the more I realize that yes, I'm a missionary in Africa but God wants me, everyday to become more Christlike. And though I know it's not all about me, it's also not all about Africa; it's about God! There is a song by a group, Casting Crowns called "Somewhere in the Middle". Here are the lyrics:
Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me
Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle
Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle
The words keep echoing in my soul. Now put this song with a fiction book I'm reading by Randy Alcorn titled "Safely Home" that is about the persecution of the Christians in China. Could I worship God only in secret with a threat of imprisonment or torture or death? Witnessing to others with risk of being turned in? Could I handle poverty due to a lack of opportunities available for those labeled "Christians"? Could I live where life is "unfair"?
God didn't stop challenging me there, my church here is doing a series on Revelation. What if we aren't raptured "pre-tribulation", am I ready to stand up against persecution and say I believe in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior during the end times? Another words have I surrendered all? What am I trying so hard to hold on to and why?
The line I put in bold in the song, "Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control" is repeating continually in my heart. Why is it so hard to fully
trust God???
Why can I seem so trusting to tithe, when I have extra money in the bank but when the safety net is not there it becomes harder to trust Him to take care of the bills? Did I deep down believe I was doing it before by my own efforts? Why can I surrender my will when it is going the way I want it to but start trying to rationalize when it's not the direction I was planning to go? Why is it so easy to praise God when I'm healthy and working and life is going good but so hard to even smile when I or someone else is suffering? Do I believe He is in control? Do I trust He has a plan? Do I trust that whether He heals someone immediately or through doctors and treatments or not until they are with Him in heaven that He is not working ALL things together for good? How can I know I have true peace until I have it when I'm in the storm? How do I know I can walk on water until I get out of the boat when the waves are crashing all around me? Why am I so afraid to not be in control?
Nov. 16th I will have been here 2 years. Can you believe it? And all I know is that although it didn't make any rational sense for God to call a 48 year old administrative person to go half way around the world to work with orphan and vulnerable children; He called and I went. My one act of true obedience in my life and I don't regret one step of the journey. But I am realizing I have so much farther to go. I am so excited that He cares for me enough to keep challenging me until I am no longer somewhere in the middle!!!! (I'm excited that I am excited, because that's not part of my normal behavior.) May I continue to trade my dreams for His and may one day I totally and honestly lose ALL control of my life to Him! Although it has taken bringing me to Africa to get to this point in my life, it's not all about Africa; it's about total trust in the God that created me and loved me enough to let His son die for my sins. And the One who can work through me to do amazing, incredible, indescribable things if I will just get out of the middle!
3 comments:
I just finished Safely Home, it was an amazing book.
I found out this week I am not going to be able to go with the church this year to Africa. My husband is having surgery, but I would love to send a care pkg with the team, please let me know if you want/need anything. Another one of Randy's books maybe? Snickers?
Thank you! I would love another of Randy's books. This is the first one I've read or someone said Casting Crowns has a new CD. Anyway, your team I think is staying in MZ their whole visit. I can connect with Deborah if you leave anything with her. I pray your husband's surgery is nothing too serious. Take care and thanks for following my blog and for your encouraging comments. I don't have your email so I hope you get back on and read this. :)
Hey Sandra - kristirichards@gmail.com
blog- www.richardsfamilyfour.blogspot.com
I have some pics from last year that I keep meaning to send. Please e-mail me, I would love to share with u. I will keep an eye out for some treats, I heard that about MZ, but I think they are doing the game park in Swazi too, no telling with missions:).
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