Just Needed to Post

When God is stretching and growing you it is sometimes hard to express. You know in the end it will be awesome, but in the process it sometimes seems like a refining fire and it is tough. I don't want to whine or complain, I try to save that only for Him, in my weak moments. I want to rejoice in what I know will be a glorious outcome but honestly, it is hard when you only see the hurdles ahead. I have just had to wrestle with "am I all in" or not. The great thing is, after the wrestling match, I realize I am!!! Either I trust Him completely or I don't and I do!!! Such a freeing thing to know I need not worry, it is all on Him. I am called to be here and step by step I will choose to obey. I will follow Him and obey even when I don't "feel" like He is there or when I don't "see" the physical securities I would like. The funny thing is, in my quiet moments, He keeps telling me, how can you truly walk in faith if you have a safety net to fall into? How can you walk on water if you keep looking for the stepping stones? The enemy keeps whispering lies but I chose to walk in faith. God has where I am to move to and I will welcome that when it comes and in the meantime grow in where He has me now. He will oversee my finances and I will be obedient to how He has me use it. He alone is my refuge and strength and will trust Him to stir in your hearts when I am needing your prayers the most. I love that God has blessed me with a passion and a ministry that I love and that He is always pushing me to be more in His image than I was before.Thank you all for your prayers, your support and for you letting me express my heart!!!!

Am I Living It Out?

As I process my faith, some more, I once again find my blog helpful. Thank you for sharing in my struggles. I am blessed by your encouragement and enjoy your views.

This has been a challenging week, month and year. The roughest since I came to Swaziland. And I am faced with the question, do I live as if I am the temple of the Holy Spirit? In a group of people, do I act and react in a way that is so radically different from my flesh that you see Him and not so much me? Would a total stranger who did not know God, wonder and want what I have?

Now, don't jump up and say of course, you went to Africa!! I've got news for you, if you don't already know, missionaries and pastors and people that work for Christian ministries can still let the root of bitterness sneak in or fail to produce the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience etc. or just not live day by day obeying the Holy Spirit, just like other Christians. It is a daily choice to step out of the boat and walk in faith . . . for all of us!! When the safety nets are gone and tough times come, can you tell by how I behave that I trust God will ALL of my heart???

Honestly, right now I am a little angry with God. Children's Cup had to withdraw from the Fonteyn CarePoint (one I have worked closely with since I moved here) because of the loss of support to run it. Children's Cup also lost a significant donor and we had to dismiss several of our staff this week that I have worked very closely with over the last 3 years. I love these kids, teachers and staff immensely and my heart has cried and mourned my loss and the thought of any suffering even one of them might experience. But if I believe God is still on His throne and has not left or forgotten one hair on any of their heads or my head, am I living that out?

In Hebrews 12:27 "This means that the things on earth will be shaken, so that only eternal things will be left."
What is my hope in? The physical circumstances around me or the joy and promises of a God who loves beyond comprehension? I have no clue what doors my Lord is opening, what blessings He will turn what seems like a curse from the enemy into or what person(s) He is stirring their heart to grow and step up in Fonteyn. But the eternal things are found in living each day submitted to the Holy Spirit! If I truly believe, my actions should be the evidence of it. My attitude should reflect it. It is not up to me to worry about someone else but only about where my heart is.

"Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Lord, thank you that I am not in control but You are. Thank you that our faith has a chance to grow when we struggle. Thank you that I am in pain for those I have grown to love, because it reflects the gift of the relationships you have brought about. But God, help me also be Your light of hope and encouragement as Your future unfolds for each one of them. May we live in TOTAL trust and reflect You to all we come in contact with. Lord, help me to live like I believe; that my actions speak louder than my words; and that I trust You and will obey You especially when it does not make sense to my limited vision. Bless those who have been effected by these changes!!!! Bless Children's Cup with wisdom and vision for the future!!! Bless the children with Your love and mercy!!! Amen!