As I process my faith, some more, I once again find my blog helpful. Thank you for sharing in my struggles. I am blessed by your encouragement and enjoy your views.
This has been a challenging week, month and year. The roughest since I came to Swaziland. And I am faced with the question, do I live as if I am the temple of the Holy Spirit? In a group of people, do I act and react in a way that is so radically different from my flesh that you see Him and not so much me? Would a total stranger who did not know God, wonder and want what I have?
Now, don't jump up and say of course, you went to Africa!! I've got news for you, if you don't already know, missionaries and pastors and people that work for Christian ministries can still let the root of bitterness sneak in or fail to produce the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience etc. or just not live day by day obeying the Holy Spirit, just like other Christians. It is a daily choice to step out of the boat and walk in faith . . . for all of us!! When the safety nets are gone and tough times come, can you tell by how I behave that I trust God will ALL of my heart???
Honestly, right now I am a little angry with God. Children's Cup had to withdraw from the Fonteyn CarePoint (one I have worked closely with since I moved here) because of the loss of support to run it. Children's Cup also lost a significant donor and we had to dismiss several of our staff this week that I have worked very closely with over the last 3 years. I love these kids, teachers and staff immensely and my heart has cried and mourned my loss and the thought of any suffering even one of them might experience. But if I believe God is still on His throne and has not left or forgotten one hair on any of their heads or my head, am I living that out?
In Hebrews 12:27 "This means that the things on earth will be shaken, so that only eternal things will be left."
What is my hope in? The physical circumstances around me or the joy and promises of a God who loves beyond comprehension? I have no clue what doors my Lord is opening, what blessings He will turn what seems like a curse from the enemy into or what person(s) He is stirring their heart to grow and step up in Fonteyn. But the eternal things are found in living each day submitted to the Holy Spirit! If I truly believe, my actions should be the evidence of it. My attitude should reflect it. It is not up to me to worry about someone else but only about where my heart is.
What is my hope in? The physical circumstances around me or the joy and promises of a God who loves beyond comprehension? I have no clue what doors my Lord is opening, what blessings He will turn what seems like a curse from the enemy into or what person(s) He is stirring their heart to grow and step up in Fonteyn. But the eternal things are found in living each day submitted to the Holy Spirit! If I truly believe, my actions should be the evidence of it. My attitude should reflect it. It is not up to me to worry about someone else but only about where my heart is.
"Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
Lord, thank you that I am not in control but You are. Thank you that our faith has a chance to grow when we struggle. Thank you that I am in pain for those I have grown to love, because it reflects the gift of the relationships you have brought about. But God, help me also be Your light of hope and encouragement as Your future unfolds for each one of them. May we live in TOTAL trust and reflect You to all we come in contact with. Lord, help me to live like I believe; that my actions speak louder than my words; and that I trust You and will obey You especially when it does not make sense to my limited vision. Bless those who have been effected by these changes!!!! Bless Children's Cup with wisdom and vision for the future!!! Bless the children with Your love and mercy!!! Amen!
2 comments:
hey Make Sandra, it breaks my heart reading your blog. i really know what you are talking about and my heart beats the Pain. its so sad to let go and i can only imagine releasing someone who has a family and maybe some few debts.In the past i worked with the cooks and the teachers and they all had issues that i had no solutions but just prayed about everything. 2chronicles 20 is a great chapter to read when you're facing the giants..i know your role at cup and i cannot even try to fit in your boots least i have blisters around my feet. its just a pyridine shift taking place and i know that the battle is of the Lord.i remember talking to you and i could tell that you were really trying hard and doing everything the best you could just that things were not going there way they way they should have been.i was so encouraged about how much you wanted to be involved and just provide member care for the people you worked with.Pastor Ben did the same thing too during our stuff meeting and still there was tension and i remember him saying that he had a sense that God was pruning cup which to me was so true.its not nice but God is in control and he has placed you where you are for a reason and a purpose. " a deep foundation determines how high and strong a building would be" its not nice going down too deep just like is going on your knees before the Lord but the results are amazing. sometimes you don't even get to live to see those results and fruits, someone else may just come only to find everything in place and smooth running.the victory is not ours but all praise to Him.
Thank you for sharing Nhlanhla's story. we hope the finances come through for him and Sphesihle. i really like what you are doing for the people of Swaziland. i remember talking and praying with Nhlanhla's dad one night and telling Nhlanhla that if we do everything God's way God will give us the desires of our hearts.
we will be praying for you and i hope you take courage knowing that God is in control and has everything figured out.Our part is to do what He tells us to do and trust Him in everything.hope to see you soon..
Roger.
Thank you for your honesty! Still pray and believe is all I know to do now. Keep up the good fight! Love you
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