SOLD

It has been 10 years since I bought it and 6 1/2 years since I lived in it. It has weathered the bottom falling out of the market and years of renters. It was my dream house....was. God has always provided and has made sure it was never a burden financially. But He is my dream and He is truly enough, no matter where I rest my head. I say goodbye today to being a home owner in the states. I smile as I think of how He has made me comfortable in going from my own 3 bedroom home to renting a three bedroom one in Africa filled with short and long term missionaries, to a back yard two bedroom cottage, to my current one room efficiency. Someone once told me God never wants you to go backwards and they took that to mean He would always wanted them to live in a better place than they lived before. Yet He has shown me I need less of "stuff" and more of Him. I am living better, just not bigger.

When I bought this house, which at the time reflected God’s providential hand in it, I never would have imagined being where I am today! It closed today in God's timing. It had bounced back where it paid off what was owed and again is leaving me unburdened. I tend to look forward and rarely am reflective of the past but this has given me that opportunity to see how I have changed. I still am far from being selfless but hopefully I am a little more Christ centered and a little less me centered. When I was so down last weekend, lower than I ever remember being since I moved to Africa. It wasn't where I was that brought me comfort but through friends, prayers and Scriptures (Psalm 34:17-19; 2 Corinthians 12:9; Philippians 4:7 and Isaiah 41:13) it was my Lord who held me and comforted me and let me know how much He loves me! 

He has great plans ahead! And I will be privileged to be a part of them. But in this time of transition, where He has now slowed me done to a crawl, it is not about what I "do" (He actually doesn't need me). It is realizing He loves me more than anything! My dream is to rest in Him so much that all that will matter is that I am loved and cherished because He is my Father. 

I enjoy the memories of my house in GA. I love the smile it brings to my face even as I look at this photo. But I know that as I settle in my Father's house, and can honestly be okay with "doing" nothing but seek Him for a season, I will stop flailing like a drowning person fighting off their rescuer. I will smile and be at peace with the unknown. I will trust the one who holds me by the right hand (so poetic that that is the one that I feel is broken and useless). I will listen to Yahweh who knows my heart's cry. I will rest because His grace is sufficient. Abiding in my Father is my new dream home!

Some are reading this and saying "Whatever! It is a bunch of flowery religious jibber jabber." "I'm glad it makes you feel better, Sandy." That is not the purpose. As I share I risk sounding crazy, or holier than thou or disillusioned. But God is real! He does love us enough to send His only Son to die for us! To be the sacrifice that ends the need for sacrifices. To fulfill what the Passover foretold. And there is not a one of us that is excluded from His love! Not one! I pray that if you read this, and don't know His love personally that you will take the time to read (or reread) the gospel of John or Luke and ask God "If you are really out there, and if you really love me, then open my eyes and heart and show me." May you fully realize how much He loves YOU!

"As for me and my house we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15 

This Wasn't How I Planned It God!

It hurts! I'm tired of the pain! I'm tired of what the pain meds do to me. I'm tired of the frustration of trying to do things with my left hand! I want someone else to handle things, take care of me, stop the feeling of loneliness and isolation!!! It hurts and I'm sad and mad and lost in it! People send money to support me and I feel I am letting them down. Not doing my job. That I'm not doing anything really.This isn't how I planned this year to be! All I seem good at is throwing a big pity party!

See why missionaries should not be put on a pedestal? I am a big wimp!!! I give in to SELF! I still want it to be all about me. I'm disliking what I am seeing when I am being squeezed!

If I look at this same time frame (this past week), sue I broke mt right wrist but another has lost a husband and the father of her babies! I can't even imagine her pain. Someone else with far less of a support system than I is finding she needs to find a new home that will allow her to keep the dogs who are like family to her and figure how to coordinate having to have hip replacement surgery while moving and caring for her dogs. There is also a strong man of God who I just found out has been watching his daughter suffer chronic debilitating pain and the doctors have no answers and God has not chosen to heal her.

So why do I think I have the right to whine? Why do I think God is not big enough to bring me through this? He loves me so much!!! This is all but a blink of an eye! His plan for my life goes so beyond this segment! When I look back will I have let this change me for the better? Will I know my "daddy" more intimately as I let Him hold and rock me instead of relying on someone else? Will I have more compassion for others in pain? Who are depressed and discouraged? Will I become better equipped to expose the lies of the enemy that say I am pathetic, weak, useless and a failure? Will I be better at focusing on the truth that God loves me beyond all of that and regardless of how I or others view me? His love isn't because of my faith or my works. He just loves me! And though it may sound paradoxical, through the pain and struggles I feel His love more personally.

Please know that I did not write this for you to tell me how great I am for "doing God's work in Africa". I didn't type this for you to wish that I was with you or you with me so you could care for me. My purpose was to help me refocus my pity. To help me think more like Philippians 4:8. To help ooze the love of God when I am squeezed. Psalm 112:4

May I focus on my blessings in my pain. We all have pain in one form or another so I can stop thinking that I suffer alone. May I learn to use my pain to love others and myself better because of the love of our Father for us! He has not caused my pain but He can transform it into a blessing. Maybe not in this instant, maybe not in the way I would choose but in the big picture of my life. Psalm 50:15

Have a great day! I know mine is already more blessed (and less painful!) as my focus is starting to shift.

Green Pastures and Deep Waters

This was just going to be a FaceBook post but it kept expanding. It is the hazard of being alone so much, when you start talking, even on paper you just bubble (or babble) over with things your heart has been yearning to say.

A stranger at the time, but a sister in Christ, gave me a word that I was in a season of lush green pastures and deep rivers. Sounds perfect for sheep . . . plenty of food to eat and water to quench your thirst and grass not rocks to lay down and rest. So many have told me that they wish they were able to be in that place. True, everyone needs to make time to recharge and to rest but what do you do after you are rested?

Now don't get me wrong, I am using my down time to dive into the Word, to be a prayer warrior, and to drink from those deep waters and soak it all in. That is on good days. On bad days, my flesh is constantly battling with words of condemnation, "Who do you think you are?"; "You are lazy!", "What are you really doing for God now.... for the Kingdom?"; "So you think you are some goody two shoes now, holier than thou?"; "You are just wasting time!". You see the down side of the lush green pastures is the mass of bugs that bite you or the slippery moss in those deep streams that cause you to fall. My faults, my barriers to God and my demons that I have let get a hold of areas of my life come into focus. I have a choice to grow, wrestle and let God have the victory or roll over and cry myself to sleep listening to the words of discouragement and a sense of futility. I've done both.

It is easier to ignore the rough spots when I have work or other activities to do. It is harder sometimes to be still and take the hard look at myself. But what Satan means to curse you, although painful, God can turn into a blessing! I am changing. God is changing me. It is not very comfortable place to be. I knew the old self and was comfortable with my quirks, my stumbling blocks. Some which I have had to wrestle with I will not share out loud. But others you all were able to see, yet I tried to justify and now my eyes are being opened. I was harsh when I became stressed and trying to make things "perfect". Those that knew me would extend grace but those who this was their first exposure of me cringed or were afraid. I was gifted with an ability to look at the other side of issues but often shared that insight too much. I could be pushy, overbearing or at the least irritating to others. I have self doubt. I lack confidence. Not that my exterior was phony. I could step up to the plate and do what needed to be done in a given situation, but in the stillness I question every decision I made or action I had taken. I am rarely offended but I let the enemy lure me onto walking on eggshells so as not to be an offense to others. Translated I guess I had fallen into the trap about "worrying" about offending others. And I hate worry! I have won the battle in so many areas against worry but in these still pastures, sure enough I realized there was worry that I had overlooked.

I'm not quite sure why I wrote this but I guess I needed to tell myself that I am not lazy, there is progress going on even if no one else sees it. And I guess I need to remember this experience down the road. This is not a respite because I am worthy of needing a break or because I had "hit the wall". This time does not fit into a nice little box and is all planned out. I do, more and more, feel it is ordained by God. I don't know quite why yet but I will trust that He has a purpose. I will continue to dive into His Word, memorize and be more of a prayer warrior and just learn to enjoy time with my Daddy. But I will also continue to allow for Him to expose the real me more, and for me to know me more and (because I feel the need to blog) for you to know me more. Hopefully my need to share will speak to where you need to share with Him.

I love what was shared in church on Sunday, I'm not a caterpillar becoming a butterfly, I am a butterfly, just in a different form. I feel like I am currently in the cocoon. I am trusting God to orchestrate when it will be time to emerge. Thank you if you read this. Pray for me. Know that God is preparing things for the future here and evidently, part of that, is to prepare me. May He get all the glory!

What Am I Doing?

Good question. It is one I often ask myself. Last September/October when I helped with a team in Swaziland I was challenged to ask God to take my relationship with Him up a notch. One of  the men on the team shared that when he asked God to do that, God told him to take the time he would be watching his favorite football team play on TV and spend it with Him instead. Isn't God great in how He challenges each of us in areas that get to the heart of our issues.

"Let your roots grow down into Him and draw up nourishment from Him, so you will grow in faith, strong and vigorous in the truth you were taught. Let your lives overflow with thanksgiving for all He has done." Colossians 2:7

So what did God do when I asked Him to put me "all in"? He rocked my world and turned my ministry identity upside down, literally. He took away what I "do". He then started tearing down my perceptions. My perception of what I should be "doing" in ministry. My need to plan what I would "do" next. And now my perception that I have to be "doing" something right now. Okay, everything, even breathing is something but you know what I mean. Doing the things I can show tangibly to those around me and those who support me. Things like playing and loving on kids, or helping the bomake "bow-mah-gay" (cooks), or encouraging the facilitators. Things that show I am making progress for the Kingdom. Things that show I am of worth. But God so gently showied me that sometimes what I "did" only scratched the surface. There is more to the Kingdom that I was missing. More to relationships than I was allowing. So for now, God has pulled back on the reigns and put me out in the pasture for awhile. I am not idle. I am helping administratively with a fellow ministry as needed but it is slow and I feel I am to seek God during my "down" time rather than look for more tasks.

"My thoughts are completely different from yours, says the Lord. And My ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts higher than you thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

Someone gave me a word recently that said that God was pulling back the bow and that I am the arrow. To me its seem like I am suppose to be in a season of preparation for what is ahead. I'm not quite sure exactly where the target is but I am surprisingly, remarkably, (totally out of my past character), at peace with the uncertainty and "lack of a plan". Instead I feel like a sponge wanting to soak up as much of God as possible as He pulls me back. I have a deep thirst on so many levels. God, as my daddy or papa, is addressing issues I have unknowingly buried deep and that have kept me hindered in ministering deeper and in being ministered to. I am also learning about Jesus my bridegroom and the moving of the Holy Spirit in new ways. I am excited to read more, pray more, study the Bible more, memorize more, discuss what I am learning and just enjoy God more. 

One of the things that might sound strange is taking a weekly hike in a nearby beautiful area. I'm setting aside time to "stop and smell the roses" and thank God for blessing me in so many ways. I'm asking Him to help prepare me, grow me, humble me and use me. Through this and other things I feel I am bubbling over with things I want to share. Like how God challenged me to stop condemning a panhandler under my breath every time I was driving past her at the intersection and to find out her name. This led me to chat with her, take her to lunch, pray for her and now wave and sometimes share with her as I go by. Or when I actually petted a wild horse on my hike I felt God was sending me an unexpected friend a special touch of His presence. Or in reading a book where God stirred in me ways to look at and handle situations of conflict with love that honors the person and their relationship with me and with God over feeling that a wrong has to be righted. Or exposing an old deep wound of rejection and the root of my desire for approval. Through the tears being sincerely okay with letting God, my daddy, love me despite my shortcomings, despite my abilities or lack of abilities. I felt His love, beyond my head knowledge, through the walls I have built to hide my feelings, to the deep recesses of my soul.

"Let me hear of your unfailing love to me in the morning, for I am trusting in You. Show me where to walk, for I have come to you in prayer." Psalm 143:8

   

Some of you might see me as "lazy" right now and others might see me as becoming hyper "religious" but my heart is that instead you see God changing me and molding me. Most of us wish that we could have this season, not of uncertainty but of rest. I know I always hated the hectic pace that I let myself fall into. 

I don't know how long this season will last. I don't know if my life will become fast and furious again. So for now I plan to make the most of it. Whether it ends tomorrow or lingers longer than I think I have the patience to endure, I want to come out of it knowing God deeper. When my arrow shoots I want to know that I love Him more and I realize more of the depth of His love for me. I want to have a humble, submissive and trusting heart that is obedient to whatever God has for me, even if it is something that is beyond what I feel I can "do". I want my future "to do" list to be God appointments where He works through me rather than me trying to direct the path! 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

Thank you for reading this. For supporting me. For praying for me about my present season and about the future plans God has for me. If you have a need and want someone to pray for you in your  current season or someone to share your hopes or struggles, then please comment or message me I would love to be there for you. God is so awesome!

2013 Year in Review

If the following pictures of my newsletter are not large enough for you to read, please email me at sandrachesterman07@gmail.com and I will email a copy directly to you. Happy New Year!

Looking Ahead to 2014

The following is a letter I sent to my supporters. If you did not get it but wanted to, I apologize. This is not just for financial supporters but for all who follow, pray and encourage me. I might have tried to send it to some of you but somehow it bounced back. Please email me your email address at my new email sandrachesterman07@gmail.com if you would like me to add you to my notifications and newsletters (I promise one before the end of the year).

Dear Friends and Family,

If you have not already heard or seen on Face book, as of the end of 2013 I will no longer be working with Children’s Cup. Like Paul and Barnabas we have had a difference in opinion in how to do ministry and are parting ways. They are still a great organization, I just cannot carry out some of their mandates. (The procedure not the principal.) This happened suddenly at the very end of October but they allowed me to stay on through the Christmas parties so I could have closure and help Children’s Cup finish the year strong in South Africa. The parties finished last week….so what is next?
 
I am still staying in Africa but my support will now be going through World Outreach Ministries, a ministry who supports missionaries in the field with the administrative resources to manage donations and issue 501C tax deductible receipts. If you were supporting me through Children’s Cup or the Cross Church in Loganville (the Cross has refocused their foreign missions to local ministries), please begin sending all future donations to World Outreach Ministries directly. The full information on how to donate is at the bottom of this email.

Following the conversation and decision with Children’s Cup, the Lord gave me a peace (supernatural is the only way I know how to describe it) that His hand was completely in my separation from the organization. My initial thought was that I would want to run back to Swaziland where it is familiar but the Lord also gave me a peace and assurance that He brought me to South Africa for a reason. I will always love the people and the country of Swaziland very much but feel I am no longer called to serve there. God has also renewed a 27 year old vision of GABRIEL ministries (Girls And Boys Receiving Instruction, Encouragement & Love): Bringing the message of Christ’s Love. At this point I feel it is reaffirming my passion for children, especially rejected and at risk children. I am not clear in what manner yet, but I will keep you informed as I feel more specific direction.
 
There are several ministries that have asked me to join with them. I have declined the ones in Swaziland and explained why. At the beginning of 2014 I am going to start helping Emonyeni, (www.emoyenisa.com) a current partner with Children’s Cup at some feeding sites in Badplaas. I will assist Emoyeni administratively while we seek God and pray about if it should be permanent. They work with churches and children in the Badplaas and surrounding communities but currently don’t go as deeply with individual children as I havel a passion for. I am also visiting with Michael’s Children’s Village which is a branch of Iris Ministries. It is a village of group homes that works with the South African social welfare system (the same just different to the US system). They have a fantastic heart for Christ and for the children. They will be expanding in the future and we have agreed to spend time and get to know each other better and see where the Lord leads.
 
So, 2014 is a new adventure for me. I have been in Africa for 6 years now and God has never failed to guide, protect and sustain me. Although the future is full of a lot of unknowns and will allow me to stretch my faith, I ask that you continue to support me with your love, encouragement, prayers and finances (for those who have been led to and have been so faithful in doing so). Thank you for taking the time to read this and share in my journey. I would love to hear from you and know your prayer needs. I know many of you have had health issues, job, family issues and other challenges so please keep me updated so I can support you in my prayers. I love you and appreciate you more than you will ever understand. Thank you!
  

Your co-worker in Christ,

Sandra Chesterman
 
Ephesians 3:20 “Now glory be to God! By His mighty power at work within us, He is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope.”

Those who are supporting me financially please make sure all donations are noted in the memo section or clicked on in the drop box on-line.

“Sandra Chesterman #286”. The 3 ways to donate are below. Thank you!
 

Credit Cards can be done easily by going to www.WorldOutreach.org/donations and selecting my name from the list.

Checks can be mailed to World Outreach Ministries
                                                P.O. Box B
                                                Marietta, GA 30061

Automatic bank account debits can be sent by setting them up on your on-line banking bill pay system and sending it to the above address (postage free). If you are not familiar with your on line banking account system, your local branch can help you set it up.

Peace on Earth

"I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid." 
John 14:27

Lately I have been processing a lot. (Not like my friend Janelle but more than usual for me.) I have been reading about different people and the miracles that have been performed through them and through different ministries. I was struggling with not having enough faith to call down and witness miracles in and around me. Recently I felt God saying to me that it is not the miracles that is needed right now it is His peace. 

Stay with me as I process this...

I have a dear friend who is struggling with severe health issues and although I prayed with her this morning for complete healing the word the Lord gave me was to have her focus on His peace. Specifically to not let the enemy fill her with anxiety and rob her of her peace.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6

Not in the ultra spiritual, that will preach kind of way but in a deep, true to heart kind of way. I'm not sure if this makes sense but lately God has flooded me with His divine peace. It is not something that is natural for me but it is something that I now crave. And it is like God has been opening my spiritual eyes to how Satan is robbing people of their peace. Whether it is because of their health, family issues, work situations or lack of work, finances, fear or other outside circumstances, He keeps showing me the lack of peace and increasing my desire to not let go of the peace I now have. It seems to me that peace equals trust and that fear and anxiety are a lack of trust and thus a lack of peace.

God has reminded me how I have held onto this peace in one aspect of my life since I was 20 and I first lived out on my own. I was becoming anxious about being alone in a crime filled San Fernando Valley. A helicopter with a search light was flying over my apartment. It was one of those moments with God that I specifically remember. I came to the point of saying, "Lord, I trust you to protect me and to be with me if something bad happens. I refuse to dwell on the what ifs anymore." Since then, I have always been able to be alone when needed and not chasing my imagination of what could go bump in the night (which I feel the enemy feeds on).

Unfortunately, as profound as that was, I never connected that peace to extending to the other areas of my life, until my current epiphany. I have always felt my theme of growth since I came to Africa was to trust and obey. But, as I so often had done in my past, that trust, I realize now, was done a lot in my own effort, my own strength or my own manipulation of the situation. Even, honestly, in how I would post things on the Internet. It was not really trust at all. Or at least not trust in God. Let me become totally transparent here; I can choose to let you put me on a pedestal and pull your heart strings because I am in the midst of poverty and I can make you feel guilty by pulling the "missionary card" and saying I am in need. Where is the trust that God will provide? That short circuits His miracle of knowing my need and moving on someone else's heart to provide without us ever communicating. Now I'm not saying we should never put the needs out there. But I am saying that it should be because I feel led to share not because I feel if I don't share, the need won't be provided for. Tough balance and that is where the peace comes in. The peace in trusting and obeying God and not trying to control or manipulate (trusting my own efforts, not God's).

Since the decision of my separation from Children's Cup, as unexpected as it was, I feel God has blessed me with divine peace about the situation. Something beyond what I can grasp but something that once given I am holding onto with both hands, feet and my whole being. Picture me wrapped around a tree in a flood of uncertainty. God is saying that He is that tree and I am safe in Him. I might not have the answers of what lies beneath the flood waters but I can trust Him that there is solid ground and I will see it, and be able to stand on it when the time is right.

He also revealed the truth of His peace when my heart was acting up recently. It wasn't like a flood but it was waves of fear as I would go back and forth between peace and anxiety that my heart may stop and I might not wake up in the morning. Before seeing the cardiologist and finding my heart is structurally fine and the arrhythmia is nothing to worry about, I had to wrestle with and be at peace (and yes trust) that if I died, it was okay. God has a plan and no matter what, I would not let the devil rob me of that peace. I literally had to choose His peace, His plan, His Word over living with anxiety, lack of sleep, stress and fear.

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them." Romans 8:28

These are not just words on a page, they are truth. They can be trusted and they bring peace if I let them. Even in bad situations, I pray that I will hold on to Him, that I will trust Him. He has my back and everyone else around me. He doesn't need me to make all things right unless He specifically tells me to do something. Then I need to obey even if I don't understand it or agree with it.

I believe in the power of prayer and am lifting up my friends (two of which I just heard today) whose health is in an easily anxious mysterious state, and friends who are without employment and those who are in employment but frustrated and angry and for those who are worried about their finances and other issues or where worry has just become a habit. While seeking peace amidst storms, I still will ask Him to quiet the winds but when He doesn't I will choose to trust Him, be at peace and if He calls me, to even walk on water in the storm. I patiently wait in anticipation for that moment!

Thank you for letting me process and be lengthy. If you made it to the end of this blog, bless you and thank you. I hope that maybe my journey was something that you needed to help you on yours.
"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men." Luke 2 :14